Listening to understand.

This week has been overwhelming emotionally, spiritually, publicly, nationally, privately, personally and sometimes meanest, cruelest ways possible. Not just for me but I'm sure for others. There are people now grieving who shouldn't have to be there if we would just listen to each other. I can't speak for others, only from my eyes, heart and hurt. If you recognize yourself in anything I write then maybe we all need a lesson.

I make no secret of my personal demons because maybe someone will learn how to help someone else along the way. I think I see our entire nation suffering from PTSD and not enough resources to help those in need. I'm not a gun advocate or opponent. I think our forefathers spelled that out pretty clearly if you want them you can. I don't want them so I don't have one. Our troubles go beyond guns and violence. I have had a conversations recently with others who were put out I choose to voice my thoughts and feelings on my own life experiences rather happy, sad, whatever state I may be in through a manner of my own choosing.

We all have feelings and we all choose to express them in manners that may or may not be acceptable. I'm sure we all agree shooting at people you don't know isn't an acceptable form of expression. But if someone is hurting letting them talk may make you uncomfortable. I think we all just want to be heard. I hear my friends saying they are oppressed and treated unfairly. But know that it wasn't me. I just don't know how to make it right except acknowledging your feelings and listening. We as a individuals need to have the hard discussions about living forward and loving each other. My life experiences make me different than you but that doesn't mean my life has been easier or harder. I work everyday to get out of bed. I'm the only one who can make that choice.

We all need to listen with love and understanding. If someone tells me their feelings are hurt I don't get to decide they aren't. I can choose to listen to their pain and need to be a better friend for them. If someone tells me that someone else hurt them I can't change their pain but I could make them hurt worse by not listening to their pain and deciding I knew what they needed more than they did. That is our problem. We don't listen and respect one another. Our pot stirrers don't want us to listen to each other they only want us to be in distress. They want to swoop in and fix at just the right time to make themselves look better.

I'm losing my train of thought in the emotions of the week. Life may not be all holding hands and singing camp fire songs but we have to reach out and hold hands. We have to find a common point of life. It may be through loss, birth, tragedy, joy, pain or love but it's there. We all have a common bond in life and that is the ability to feel. If you can calmly tell someone that they don't have the right to feel then you are part of the problem. That shooter may have had feelings but his expression wasn't acceptable. A dear friend of mine taking her own life wasn't acceptable. We need to be okay with expression with words. We need to listen for understanding not response. I don't need someone to fix me I need someone to hear me say I'm hurting. I'm the only one who can keep myself going but being acknowledged and not fixed to be molded in what another wants me to be. I am my life experiences and I just want to be told I'm enough and I matter. I'm not broken just a little bent.

We all want to be enough for someone. We all want to be loved for who we are. The only person that can change me is me. My emotions matter, your emotions matter. We all matter. We all love. And it really is okay if my feelings get hurt, I can express that, make you uncomfortable, and we grow from the experience. Life is full of challenges don't let someone steal your joy. Start with yourself and listen to understand not to comment. You may learn something about your own heart along the way.