I've been trying to find one thing each day to be thankful for in November. I don't want to do the usual I want them to have special meaning for me to enrich my life and fill my heart with mending and purpose. I look at it as an assignment to help my spirit grow and my my faith stronger.
This month has been very stressful at work. It is a very large case of who moved my cheese and I'm trying to not be frustrated or upset with all the stuff I have to deal with each day. Needless to say Medicare and the government aren't really saving money they have just moved it around to the fiscal intermediaries instead of helping patients they are denying services. Enough about that I'm trying to stay focused on helping my patients with the ever shrinking tools. So in each day I breathe and try to smile.
Right after Scott died I started finding dimes in the craziest places where they shouldn't be; the bathroom in the tub, an empty suitcase I pulled out of the closet, in my shoe one morning. I'm not kidding. It is one of those things I don't talk about I just smile and say hello, my love. The dimes still happen but not very often until two weeks ago when my stress levels jumped.
Once again I'm finding dimes everywhere. I had one of my eye shadows break in my makeup bag I was cleaning it out and in the bottom of the bag I found a dime. The biggest one was on Saturday I found a dime on the floor in the kitchen. I was home alone and horrible bored trying to entertain myself and not be sad. I picked up the dime and sat holding it in my hand. I was sitting on the couch in my spot reading a book flipping the dime between my fingers. My nervous, restless energy slowed down. I was better I couldn't sleep though. I hate going to bed alone in the empty house so I watched everything I had stored on the DVR. Finally I called it a night at 3 am. I laid the dime on the couch.
On Sunday I went to work, not thinking about the dimes. When I got to work there was one sitting in my drawer that has no money. Gentle reminders I guess. When I got home I was waiting on H to return from her Dad's. We were going to attack my arch nemesis - the grocery store. As I was sitting there I was playing with my engagement ring and the dime. I realized the dime almost fits perfectly inside my ring, my perfect circle of love to infinity and beyond.
I sat the dime down when H came in and we conquered the grocery store. It doesn't give me panic attacks nearly as bad as it used to, if at all. I figured out the reason isn't time but they have gotten rid of the one thing Scott and I used to make a game out of, self help weighing station kiosks. Seems like something so small wouldn't be such a big deal but it would always make me cry and send me into panic mode.
We got home unloaded the groceries and I went back to my spot on the couch to pay bills and sew. When I got over there I saw the dime on the ground. I'm not sure how it got there because no one was home to touch it. I'm going with my theory that the other side isn't that far away. I know it may seem strange but its like a reminder that I'm not struggling alone. There are powers I don't understand but I accept them. So I'm thankful for my Dimes. I guess with inflation Pennies from Heaven have changed to dimes.
