My Greater Self

When you long for blessings that you may not name,
and when you grieve knowing not the cause,
then indeed you are growing with all things that grow,
and rising toward your greater self.~ Khalil Gibran


Growing has happened without even noticing. Today I got all the way to Austin and didn't even realize I had left my engagement ring and wedding band behind. I still wear them on my right hand and sometimes I wear Scott's wedding band too. I didn't go nuts and I didn't freak out. I was just me. I didn't need them. They weren't required for me to keep going. 

My mind and heart were to focused on other people in my life. Thinking about, worrying about, caring about and loving others. I have grown beyond my own grief. My heart hurts for others not myself. I've been broken and I'm healing. I have found my feet and my arms to hug my friends. As I was driving my mind wanders into all kinds of thoughts. The loss of my friend from college. The silly crazy things we did as a group. 90210 as a drinking game. Socializing in the office of the Residence Hall because no one wanted to study. 

How is it when we get older life seems to change faster then when we were growing up. Life was so much simpler. There was so much less stress but now it is all about what happens to us in our everyday lives. In addition to the normal stresses it has just multiplied. I think the biggest lesson I have learned over my new travels is how important it is to stay positive and ignore the people who thrive on negativity. I've even been trying to do what always works best for me - read for understanding and not take on other's baggage.

"I’ve learned that when people initiate negativity, it is a reflection of their inner state expressed externally and you just happen to be in front of that expression. It’s not personal, so why do we take it personally? In short: Because our ego likes problems and conflict. People are often so bored and unhappy with their own lives that they want to take others down with them."

I still surround myself with my daily prayer, "Surround me with your light and love. Guide me, protect me and show me the way." Yet today for my two separate groups of friends that need prayers. I took the prayer and personalized it for them. I think the hardest part of learning to live again has been recognizing when I indeed have grown out of my own despair. I'm not so hardened to the world that I'm only focused on my own selfish needs. I know I do so much better when I can reach out and give someone a positive hand instead of allowing someone's negative BS to make my day suffer. 

I'm ready to reach out and accept the blessings in my life I have been longing to receive. I am open to accepting what ever my daily prayer gives to me but more importantly to others. We can make it and it will happen because my heart knows the power of love in the here and now.