Just Me

"I really can't picture anyone having. Crush on me. I can't picture someone thinking about me before they fall asleep. I can't picture anyone getting butterflies because I said hi to them or even just smiled at them. I can't picture someone smiling at the computer screen or their cell phones when we're lacking. I mean like... Why would they even do that? I'm just me: Nothing extraordinary or special."

I know many people love me. I have proof! I'm still alive. I wouldn't be here today if it weren't for those special people in my life. However, there is this little show on tv called Gray's Anatomy. They talk about having "the person" in your life who you go to for everything. Scott was my person and not just the obvious reasons. It would be nice to have my person in my life who texts me all day or takes the time stop and call me. 

I miss being able to have something silly happen have someone to tell that gets me and isn't to busy for those moments. I miss all those things and more. I know I make a day to day difference in many lives. I have patients who tell me they appreciate what I do for them. I have friends that are there when I need them. Except that one person who chooses to be with me. He was taken from me. 

I can no longer imagine having that type of person in my life. The scary part is the loneliness that comes along with it. The above statement is true for me. I'm here. I'm me but that part of my life is done. I don't get to have the hope that it is possible because I am just now learning how to be me - nothing extraordinary. Just living in the only life I have and it doesn't include that person who wants to take a chance with someone who will always have a special Angel finding moments to remind them of what it means to be loved.