"It's a very funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it. - William Somerset Maugham
I will continue to give my best. I have hurdles that make life a battle but I chose to keep running and jumping. The obstacles that I have to combat have made me a stronger person. I want to keep doing my best and make a difference. I work hard to stand each day and face what I have been given. I may not make all the rules, I may not always follow all the rules but I do my best to be my best. When I look around I don't see myself. I see a place where I'm supposed to make a difference.
There are so many times when I have wanted to give up. I wish I could just bury my head in the sand and focus on only myself and Hannah. I can't do that. It's not who I am or will ever be. Last week a friend of mine was at a football game across town. She was sitting next to a woman who knew Scott. Scott mattered to so many people. He never gave up and worked to make a difference in others lives. He believed. He believed in my too.
Another friend and I have had conversations the past few weeks about how we wish we could just do what we wanted and ignore the needs of others. To skip out and just be about our own wishes. Life doesn't work that way. We have both been giving callings into places where we make a difference even when our frustrations get the better of us. How do I give up on my responsibilities and run away? I'm not supposed to I guess. God has given me gifts that I can't ignore. I was told today that my light shines from within and those who know me see that in me. I believe in so many things. I know there is more to this world then we see but sometimes we have to take a step back from our own selfish needs and find the right path. This world isn't about money or things. It is about love, kindness and helping others. I am where I am supposed to be at this minute. There are things I can't change just yet but someday.
There is a reason I am where I need to be right now. I do make a difference. I can't change others but I can do my part. I just wish I had all the answers to my own life but who am I to judge? I keep going and I will make find where I belong someday. I will find where a life of companionship and love will guide me to the next plane of my existence. "It's okay, I love you!"
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Love and Other Drugs
I don't want someone else. I want you. I want to be there to take care of you, to carry you. - a paraphrase from the move Love and Other Drugs by Jake Gyllenhaal character to Jamie Randall to Maggie (Anne Hathaway)
I remember words very similar to that being said to me. The reason I was able to be okay is that Scott was sick too. Two stupid sick people who loved each other very much. We didn't have a chance to make it but I'm happy for what we did get together. It taught me the magic of being loved and loving. I sat here watching a rather extreme end of the "R" movie spectrum that turned into something very poignant for me. How is that possible? Messages everywhere and I can't seem to ignore them. So I'm sitting here at 2:30am trying to get thoughts out of my head. Isn't this the best place for me to do that? The words just flow from my fingers.
I don't know where I'm supposed to be or go but yet here I am with my thoughts racing again. Movies are they just out there to mess with our minds. Just like all those skinny models who make my life crap when I look in the mirror. Do you know how much it sucks to have an MS day and the person who made sure you were good, boasted your ego, helped you to the bathroom, washed your hair, massaged your tremoring arm and loved you just because isn't there anymore? I don't feel lovable right now. It's at times like these I'm very frightened of the future. I'm alone and I never want to be a burden on my daughter. Yet here I am. At least with Scott we muddled through. We were rarely sick at the same time. It was always as if we knew we had to be there for each other.
I woke up this afternoon from a real sleep. Not a drug induced dead to the world sucks sleep but a real life rest. Do you know how often that has happened in the last 19 months? I can count them on my left foot if I were missing toes. I had amazing dreams that were fun and full of laughter. A big burly guy friend dressed i a clown costume and another girlfriend sitting at a counter ordering a cheeseburger making friends with others around us. I was happy when I woke up this morning. You would be too with the clown I saw in my dream.
Our other movie selection tonight would have been the movie that arrived for Hannah, The Time Traveler's Wife. That is the last movie Scott and I watched together with our carpet picnic. I sat in this very spot crying. We had a discussion that night about death and how that would feel to lose each other. I'm the one that got to experience that pain. He will never know the heart wrenching ache that will forever be in my heart. The nights of sitting here crying wishing for a life of bickering, laughter, love, teasing but mostly companionship. I want to grow old in the rocking chairs on the porch watching our grandkids while we hold hands. Cliche' yes but it is still a dream.
I want to be told that I am loved for me! I want to know that it doesn't matter that my weight is a problem. I want to be see for me but I'm afraid of losing my life again. Of finding something so special and it being torn from me because it wasn't where I was supposed to be. The only forever we are guaranteed is death. My Mom and have been having this conversation about me taking care of her. I notice how much her memory is failing her but somehow in my heart I think it will be the other way around. What do you do when you have hopes and dreams? What do you do when your image of yourself inside your head doesn't match what you see in the mirror? I can only keep hoping. I can only keep praying. The last few weeks have been incredibly stressful. I know there are people who are here for me every step of the way. It is just the times when I'm alone and my head goes to work on itself that I become trouble. I want me back. I want my life back. Is that too much to ask. I want to make life move a bit faster but I don't get that choice. So I work with what tools I've been given. I will make it but darn it can someone find me Love and Other Drugs!
I remember words very similar to that being said to me. The reason I was able to be okay is that Scott was sick too. Two stupid sick people who loved each other very much. We didn't have a chance to make it but I'm happy for what we did get together. It taught me the magic of being loved and loving. I sat here watching a rather extreme end of the "R" movie spectrum that turned into something very poignant for me. How is that possible? Messages everywhere and I can't seem to ignore them. So I'm sitting here at 2:30am trying to get thoughts out of my head. Isn't this the best place for me to do that? The words just flow from my fingers.
I don't know where I'm supposed to be or go but yet here I am with my thoughts racing again. Movies are they just out there to mess with our minds. Just like all those skinny models who make my life crap when I look in the mirror. Do you know how much it sucks to have an MS day and the person who made sure you were good, boasted your ego, helped you to the bathroom, washed your hair, massaged your tremoring arm and loved you just because isn't there anymore? I don't feel lovable right now. It's at times like these I'm very frightened of the future. I'm alone and I never want to be a burden on my daughter. Yet here I am. At least with Scott we muddled through. We were rarely sick at the same time. It was always as if we knew we had to be there for each other.
I woke up this afternoon from a real sleep. Not a drug induced dead to the world sucks sleep but a real life rest. Do you know how often that has happened in the last 19 months? I can count them on my left foot if I were missing toes. I had amazing dreams that were fun and full of laughter. A big burly guy friend dressed i a clown costume and another girlfriend sitting at a counter ordering a cheeseburger making friends with others around us. I was happy when I woke up this morning. You would be too with the clown I saw in my dream.
Our other movie selection tonight would have been the movie that arrived for Hannah, The Time Traveler's Wife. That is the last movie Scott and I watched together with our carpet picnic. I sat in this very spot crying. We had a discussion that night about death and how that would feel to lose each other. I'm the one that got to experience that pain. He will never know the heart wrenching ache that will forever be in my heart. The nights of sitting here crying wishing for a life of bickering, laughter, love, teasing but mostly companionship. I want to grow old in the rocking chairs on the porch watching our grandkids while we hold hands. Cliche' yes but it is still a dream.
I want to be told that I am loved for me! I want to know that it doesn't matter that my weight is a problem. I want to be see for me but I'm afraid of losing my life again. Of finding something so special and it being torn from me because it wasn't where I was supposed to be. The only forever we are guaranteed is death. My Mom and have been having this conversation about me taking care of her. I notice how much her memory is failing her but somehow in my heart I think it will be the other way around. What do you do when you have hopes and dreams? What do you do when your image of yourself inside your head doesn't match what you see in the mirror? I can only keep hoping. I can only keep praying. The last few weeks have been incredibly stressful. I know there are people who are here for me every step of the way. It is just the times when I'm alone and my head goes to work on itself that I become trouble. I want me back. I want my life back. Is that too much to ask. I want to make life move a bit faster but I don't get that choice. So I work with what tools I've been given. I will make it but darn it can someone find me Love and Other Drugs!
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Hope Whispers
When the world says, "Give up,"
Hope whispers, "Try it one more time."
~Author Unknown
Hope whispers, "Try it one more time."
~Author Unknown
I smile and try again. "I'm gonna love you through it!" I see it, I hear it, I feel it! I know it is there. I know I am there! I just gotta believe in the magic. The people in my life that matter and keep me going are my magic. There are some amazing people I trust completely. There are people who let me down everyday but those moments teach me who to be and where I should be. I can keep conquering mountains one pebble at a time. I can give the world my love one smile and hug at a time. I'm not fearless. I'm not perfect! I just keep trying to reach with my heart and soul to the goals that are my life.
It may be November and time to be thankful but I have to be thankful each and every day that I have been given. Yesterday someone asked me if I was okay and if there was anything they could do. I asked for prayers. I then told them the choices in my life with my health will be time to join Scott into his welcoming arms or stay here and continue on the whatever path I have to complete. Either choice doesn't hurt for me. I win either way. I know others may think otherwise but I am open to all possibilities that I am given. I know I try each day to make a difference, to be the best I can be for all the lives I touch each day. I have fought an ongoing battle recently not just about myself but it made me realize there is a time and place for everything that happens. I just have to understand I am where I am supposed to be even when where I am means I can't have what I want the most!
Smiles, laughter, hugs, love, dreams, magic and more! I continue to be where I'm supposed to be good days and bad. How could I be anywhere else when I continue to ask to be surrounded by light and love, guide me, protect me and show me the way. I know Scott will always be here for me. He promised me to infinity and beyond. He knows how to help me to where I'm supposed to be! I know he has a lot of help from the arms of God too! How can I lose with that combination!!
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
The Best of Now and Here
No longer forward nor behind
I look in hope and fear;
But grateful take the good I find,
The best of now and here.
John G. Whittier
How else does one get through were they are? It is so hard to be grateful at times when looking at life makes it all seem hopeless. There are things and people in my life that I look forward to seeing and spending time with. My life didn't end. I've always known that. I haven't made the choice to stop living my life. I have kept going. It is, however, hard to accept that new dreams are there. I have new dreams but I'm afraid of them. I'm afraid to trust myself to have them. The fear in my life is letting go to fully live this new life. How else do you reach out?
I keep looking for the happiness in each day. I have found that life is all those little moments. The little moments where looking at pictures and teasing a friend matters, a smile to someone you pass in the hall matters, a good morning kiss to my beautiful baby matters. Each day of life matters. I have never forgotten those moments. I just miss all of the moments of my life that I wanted. I don't know if I will ever stop missing those moments or that person but I can and do enjoy the new moments.
I have pieces of my life that I look forward too each day. I'm who I am and where I am. Not always what I like to hear but it is what it is. I keep going and my heart will always be full of love to share. This is where I'm supposed to be even if I don't understand who I help or why I have to go through this life. I will keep trying to rejoice in where I am even though I have to fight to keep going. To not give up on myself! I am thankful for so many parts and people in my life who keep giving me hope. People who believe in me and are answers to my prayers to be guided on the right path.
I look in hope and fear;
But grateful take the good I find,
The best of now and here.
John G. Whittier
How else does one get through were they are? It is so hard to be grateful at times when looking at life makes it all seem hopeless. There are things and people in my life that I look forward to seeing and spending time with. My life didn't end. I've always known that. I haven't made the choice to stop living my life. I have kept going. It is, however, hard to accept that new dreams are there. I have new dreams but I'm afraid of them. I'm afraid to trust myself to have them. The fear in my life is letting go to fully live this new life. How else do you reach out?
I keep looking for the happiness in each day. I have found that life is all those little moments. The little moments where looking at pictures and teasing a friend matters, a smile to someone you pass in the hall matters, a good morning kiss to my beautiful baby matters. Each day of life matters. I have never forgotten those moments. I just miss all of the moments of my life that I wanted. I don't know if I will ever stop missing those moments or that person but I can and do enjoy the new moments.
I have pieces of my life that I look forward too each day. I'm who I am and where I am. Not always what I like to hear but it is what it is. I keep going and my heart will always be full of love to share. This is where I'm supposed to be even if I don't understand who I help or why I have to go through this life. I will keep trying to rejoice in where I am even though I have to fight to keep going. To not give up on myself! I am thankful for so many parts and people in my life who keep giving me hope. People who believe in me and are answers to my prayers to be guided on the right path.
Monday, November 7, 2011
Dog in a Fight
What counts is not necessarily the size of the dog in the fight - it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
I feel like this so much more lately. I have been living and hanging on, yet recently I've been fighting to climb back into my life. A friend laughs at my size and I'm most generally easy going but lately there have been things happening that I'm tired of being kicked. I'm stronger then those moments. I know what I'm doing and how to make things happen. I'm not out for myself in life but sometimes I have to be there for myself. Who else is going to do things for me? My "person" is gone. The person I trusted with my life is gone. I have to fight like the tiny little shitzu with the heart of a doberman. This redhead has the spirit of a big bad Marine when provoked. Well I've been provoked into doing things I didn't know I could do.
Tomorrow I go in for more tests. I don't know if he will find anything or if he is even sure what he is looking for in my diagnosis but at least he is trying. I know what I feel in my heart and soul. I know I have to keep striving to fight for my life. There are things and places I want to be. I'm not sure if I'm on the right path but darn it why can't I get a break. Why can't I be in a place where I am strong but supported by love. Why do I feel so lonely so often? I keep doing what I can only do. I'm the one that has to battle for myself because there isn't anyone who wants to join me to conquer life. I miss life with a partner. I miss having the person who looks at me, knows what I'm thinking, smiles and says "tell them 'bite me!'" Then holds me to get through the next day, is there to hold my hand and worry when I'm not the best.
I love my friends believe in me and keep me going with support but darn it!!! Why can't I be where I want to be? Why do I have to be here instead. I still miss my life but I'm adjusting to my new life. Somewhere I have to be in the right spot to be where I want to be and where I'm supposed to be. The spot where I get to have magic moments. Where I get to look up and smile into eyes of love and life. I'm tired of being the fighter but I keep doing it because I don't have a choice. I will fight to be where I'm supposed to be! Can someone just give me a hint where that magic is hiding?
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
I feel like this so much more lately. I have been living and hanging on, yet recently I've been fighting to climb back into my life. A friend laughs at my size and I'm most generally easy going but lately there have been things happening that I'm tired of being kicked. I'm stronger then those moments. I know what I'm doing and how to make things happen. I'm not out for myself in life but sometimes I have to be there for myself. Who else is going to do things for me? My "person" is gone. The person I trusted with my life is gone. I have to fight like the tiny little shitzu with the heart of a doberman. This redhead has the spirit of a big bad Marine when provoked. Well I've been provoked into doing things I didn't know I could do.
Tomorrow I go in for more tests. I don't know if he will find anything or if he is even sure what he is looking for in my diagnosis but at least he is trying. I know what I feel in my heart and soul. I know I have to keep striving to fight for my life. There are things and places I want to be. I'm not sure if I'm on the right path but darn it why can't I get a break. Why can't I be in a place where I am strong but supported by love. Why do I feel so lonely so often? I keep doing what I can only do. I'm the one that has to battle for myself because there isn't anyone who wants to join me to conquer life. I miss life with a partner. I miss having the person who looks at me, knows what I'm thinking, smiles and says "tell them 'bite me!'" Then holds me to get through the next day, is there to hold my hand and worry when I'm not the best.
I love my friends believe in me and keep me going with support but darn it!!! Why can't I be where I want to be? Why do I have to be here instead. I still miss my life but I'm adjusting to my new life. Somewhere I have to be in the right spot to be where I want to be and where I'm supposed to be. The spot where I get to have magic moments. Where I get to look up and smile into eyes of love and life. I'm tired of being the fighter but I keep doing it because I don't have a choice. I will fight to be where I'm supposed to be! Can someone just give me a hint where that magic is hiding?
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Heart in a Box
"What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others.” - Perciles
I'm so driven to complete projects and tasks. I don't like to do things half crapped. I want to do things to the best of my abilities. Sometimes it is possible and sometimes there are people who stand in your way. Scott used to laugh at me because I would get frustrated and then attack a problem at a different way. If I thought I failed he'd make me keep trying. There were several times when something would happen and he would say "just wait! You are right and it will happen!" He always knew when I doubted myself. The last few days I have been struggling with those thoughts again when I can hear him telling me 'you are good at what you do! You do the right thing and believe in yourself!' He left behind pieces of himself that are now a part of me.
I was thinking today about how much we are all connected and our lives matter to each other. There are people I know from childhood who are part of my fabric of who I am now. I may have spent years not knowing them as we grew up but now we have reconnected thanks to technology and they are a new part of my life. I have people I have met through the years that no matter where we go or who we are with we are still connected, no matter what! Scott has given me people to care for me too. The pieces of his life he left for me also came with some great new people I have been meant to share life with. How else can I be so excited about my guys, my fantasy football guys, or Scott's FB wife. Then I have my new friends that make me laugh and smile. The new friends that see me. I'm trying to find my identity as someone other then the girl that lost her fiance/husband.
That person is here. It is now a piece of who I am but I'm not always that person. I love to laugh and giggle. I love to get things done that matter to others. I know I'm not always right but I like to find the best way to do things and help others. I can and will achieve each day. I battle the hurdles that are thrown my way. I don't like it though. I want a break but I seem to be on a journey that requires something or maybe I'm not listening to my Angel again. Maybe I'm not where I'm supposed to be and I'm getting a message with each crappy hurdle to make the right decision. I can't stay where I am and get what I want. Why is it impossible to have all the pieces of life connect at the same time. I did have it though! I know it is possible. I just keep dealing with 4/4/10 and the pieces of my life that have been left behind.
Sometimes I feel so invisible but then someone touches my life and I know I matter to them. A message on FB, a phone call, but my favorites is when I have given someone a smile to get them to the next spot in life. I touch many people but having that one to share everything with is what I miss most. I'm ready for my dream to come true but I'm not allowed to be there yet. I don't get to choose that dream, not yet! I must still have pieces of me I have to leave behind to help others. So here you go, here is today's piece of me. My heart needs a boost, my arms need a hug and I really need more but there are still some hurdles to cross. Maybe my heart is sitting in a box beating on it's own until I can collect enough pieces to put myself back together. Someplace where someone needs me in their life to share the highs, lows, craps and joy. There has to be a moment where someone will take my heart of this protective box so I can soar once again.
I'm so driven to complete projects and tasks. I don't like to do things half crapped. I want to do things to the best of my abilities. Sometimes it is possible and sometimes there are people who stand in your way. Scott used to laugh at me because I would get frustrated and then attack a problem at a different way. If I thought I failed he'd make me keep trying. There were several times when something would happen and he would say "just wait! You are right and it will happen!" He always knew when I doubted myself. The last few days I have been struggling with those thoughts again when I can hear him telling me 'you are good at what you do! You do the right thing and believe in yourself!' He left behind pieces of himself that are now a part of me.
I was thinking today about how much we are all connected and our lives matter to each other. There are people I know from childhood who are part of my fabric of who I am now. I may have spent years not knowing them as we grew up but now we have reconnected thanks to technology and they are a new part of my life. I have people I have met through the years that no matter where we go or who we are with we are still connected, no matter what! Scott has given me people to care for me too. The pieces of his life he left for me also came with some great new people I have been meant to share life with. How else can I be so excited about my guys, my fantasy football guys, or Scott's FB wife. Then I have my new friends that make me laugh and smile. The new friends that see me. I'm trying to find my identity as someone other then the girl that lost her fiance/husband.
That person is here. It is now a piece of who I am but I'm not always that person. I love to laugh and giggle. I love to get things done that matter to others. I know I'm not always right but I like to find the best way to do things and help others. I can and will achieve each day. I battle the hurdles that are thrown my way. I don't like it though. I want a break but I seem to be on a journey that requires something or maybe I'm not listening to my Angel again. Maybe I'm not where I'm supposed to be and I'm getting a message with each crappy hurdle to make the right decision. I can't stay where I am and get what I want. Why is it impossible to have all the pieces of life connect at the same time. I did have it though! I know it is possible. I just keep dealing with 4/4/10 and the pieces of my life that have been left behind.
Sometimes I feel so invisible but then someone touches my life and I know I matter to them. A message on FB, a phone call, but my favorites is when I have given someone a smile to get them to the next spot in life. I touch many people but having that one to share everything with is what I miss most. I'm ready for my dream to come true but I'm not allowed to be there yet. I don't get to choose that dream, not yet! I must still have pieces of me I have to leave behind to help others. So here you go, here is today's piece of me. My heart needs a boost, my arms need a hug and I really need more but there are still some hurdles to cross. Maybe my heart is sitting in a box beating on it's own until I can collect enough pieces to put myself back together. Someplace where someone needs me in their life to share the highs, lows, craps and joy. There has to be a moment where someone will take my heart of this protective box so I can soar once again.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
What Else!
Refresher course is what I needed today! I stopped in to see my favorite mental health professional. She told me how proud of me she is and I just have to keep doing the things that are right for me. The decisions I make have been on the right track. I needed to hear that. I have so many feelings that I don't know how to make some of them happen. I like the smiles. I like the feeling that I have a life and that I'm capable of so much more in life.
I am happy. Despite all the stress and crap of things that happen each day. I'm full of life and positive. I have a smile and laughter and I feel. I feel hope. I'm still scared of life but I feel. I just take each step and keep going. I'm reaching out and asking the rule be modified. I'm asking for a chance to have a life full of love and laughter. I know I feel it. I know there is a magic to life that will make that happen.
To love deeply in one direction makes us more loving in all others.
- Anne-Sophie Swetchine
I want to make my life happen. I know what I feel and where I am today. I have reached this place because of some really special people. I can be a real bear at times and I'm my own worst enemy but I fight to keep going. I have a choice to reach my dream. I keep going to reach my dream. I'm so different then I was in the short nineteen months ago. I have my ups and downs. I still shed tears of pain and heartache but I know I will always be in love. I will never have to face the possibility of not being in love with Scott. I doesn't mean I can't love again! I have really figured that out. I know where I am today. I know the feelings of joy and laughter. I know the fun of being silly and looking forward to spending time with another.
I'm glad I had my refresher today. I know I believe in the power of guidance from someplace that we can't see. I know there are people in my life that only can be here because of my ongoing prayers. I continue to ask to be surrounded by light and love, to find strength and guidance to make it forward in my journey of learning to live. I want to live. I want to love. I want to share a life full of laughter and light. I am here. Help me keep going. I know love is possible through the arms of God. We are each in each other's lives are for reasons we don't always understand. Take a moment to find how to be there, you may be surprised what you find when you open your heart. I know I was when I gave up to love with Scott. He would be very disappointed if I hid my heart from the possibility of more!
I look forward to tomorrow. I may be scared of next week but I can do tomorrow! Then before I know it I will be at next week. I will survive more testing. I will keep my faith in God to answer my prayers. I will be safe and loved. I will be healthy and happy. I will find my dreams. I will get to be where I want to be. I have faith in God to protect me and give me strength. I have smiles and laughter to share and love to give. There is more for me to answer but I'm afraid of the question of "what else!" I can't answer that question all by myself. There are too many blocks in the road for that to happen.
I am happy. Despite all the stress and crap of things that happen each day. I'm full of life and positive. I have a smile and laughter and I feel. I feel hope. I'm still scared of life but I feel. I just take each step and keep going. I'm reaching out and asking the rule be modified. I'm asking for a chance to have a life full of love and laughter. I know I feel it. I know there is a magic to life that will make that happen.
To love deeply in one direction makes us more loving in all others.
- Anne-Sophie Swetchine
I want to make my life happen. I know what I feel and where I am today. I have reached this place because of some really special people. I can be a real bear at times and I'm my own worst enemy but I fight to keep going. I have a choice to reach my dream. I keep going to reach my dream. I'm so different then I was in the short nineteen months ago. I have my ups and downs. I still shed tears of pain and heartache but I know I will always be in love. I will never have to face the possibility of not being in love with Scott. I doesn't mean I can't love again! I have really figured that out. I know where I am today. I know the feelings of joy and laughter. I know the fun of being silly and looking forward to spending time with another.
I'm glad I had my refresher today. I know I believe in the power of guidance from someplace that we can't see. I know there are people in my life that only can be here because of my ongoing prayers. I continue to ask to be surrounded by light and love, to find strength and guidance to make it forward in my journey of learning to live. I want to live. I want to love. I want to share a life full of laughter and light. I am here. Help me keep going. I know love is possible through the arms of God. We are each in each other's lives are for reasons we don't always understand. Take a moment to find how to be there, you may be surprised what you find when you open your heart. I know I was when I gave up to love with Scott. He would be very disappointed if I hid my heart from the possibility of more!
I look forward to tomorrow. I may be scared of next week but I can do tomorrow! Then before I know it I will be at next week. I will survive more testing. I will keep my faith in God to answer my prayers. I will be safe and loved. I will be healthy and happy. I will find my dreams. I will get to be where I want to be. I have faith in God to protect me and give me strength. I have smiles and laughter to share and love to give. There is more for me to answer but I'm afraid of the question of "what else!" I can't answer that question all by myself. There are too many blocks in the road for that to happen.
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