What Else!

Refresher course is what I needed today! I stopped in to see my favorite mental health professional. She told me how proud of me she is and I just have to keep doing the things that are right for me. The decisions I make have been on the right track. I needed to hear that. I have so many feelings that I don't know how to make some of them happen. I like the smiles. I like the feeling that I have a life and that I'm capable of so much more in life. 


I am happy. Despite all the stress and crap of things that happen each day. I'm full of life and positive. I have a smile and laughter and I feel. I feel hope. I'm still scared of life but I feel. I just take each step and keep going. I'm reaching out and asking the rule be modified. I'm asking for a chance to have a life full of love and laughter. I know I feel it. I know there is a magic to life that will make that happen. 

To love deeply in one direction makes us more loving in all others.   
       - Anne-Sophie Swetchine


I want to make my life happen. I know what I feel and where I am today. I have reached this place because of some really special people. I can be a real bear at times and I'm my own worst enemy but I fight to keep going. I have a choice to reach my dream. I keep going to reach my dream. I'm so different then I was in the short nineteen months ago. I have my ups and downs. I still shed tears of pain and heartache but I know I will always be in love. I will never have to face the possibility of not being in love with Scott. I doesn't mean I can't love again! I have really figured that out. I know where I am today. I know the feelings of joy and laughter. I know the fun of being silly and looking forward to spending time with another. 


I'm glad I had my refresher today. I know I believe in the power of guidance from someplace that we can't see. I know there are people in my life that only can be here because of my ongoing prayers. I continue to ask to be surrounded by light and love, to find strength and guidance to make it forward in my journey of learning to live. I want to live. I want to love. I want to share a life full of laughter and light. I am here. Help me keep going. I know love is possible through the arms of God. We are each in each other's lives are for reasons we don't always understand. Take a moment to find how to be there, you may be surprised what you find when you open your heart. I know I was when I gave up to love with Scott. He would be very disappointed if I hid my heart from the possibility of more! 


I look forward to tomorrow. I may be scared of next week but I can do tomorrow! Then before I know it I will be at next week. I will survive more testing. I will keep my faith in God to answer my prayers. I will be safe and loved. I will be healthy and happy. I will find my dreams. I will get to be where I want to be. I have faith in God to protect me and give me strength.  I have smiles and laughter to share and love to give. There is more for me to answer but I'm afraid of the question of "what else!" I can't answer that question all by myself. There are too many blocks in the road for that to happen.