Games

That which a man willingly shares, he keeps.
That which he selfishly keeps, he loses.
       - Anonymous

Scott and I used to play games. Not emotional games. I'm not that kind of person. You know when I love you and I'm an all in kind of person. Scott was very much the same way. I was remembering today disappearing in his eyes and how wonderful that feeling is to have, to share. That place that connection. No Scott and I used to play real games. Yahtzee, Trivial Pursuit, and of course Toystorymania on the Wii. I was looking for the cat the other day and I found two of the games under the bed. I'd forgotten they were there. It is funny the things that trigger great memories. I left them there. It's not like I need to put them back in the game closet. They aren't much fun to play by yourself. It wasn't the games, however, that made me smile. It was the competitiveness that was part of our relationship. We were always trying to outdo each other. The fun part was there was never a loser. We could spend all day together working, keeping life professional but still have that competitive drive to tease and torture each other without others knowing it was going on. 

I think about all the things we could say or do an no one else would understand. It is very possible to have a life and love that is made up in all areas of living. As I was getting ready this morning I was looking at the mementos of our relationship I have kept on my bathroom counter. One of those was something he kept in his office at all times but it would seem like just a random sticky note to someone else but to us it was love. The other was a game we used to play when I was out of town. I would leave notes around in places for him to find. The note he kept says "I Miss You!" It is there with the other that are truly love notes. I love the rewards from our games. I miss those moments. I miss myself too. I miss the person I know I truly am. The greatest gift I have to give is love. 

I don't care the hurt involved I can never stop sharing my love. I love in so many ways to so many people. I'm glad I was given the chance to share love in the way it is meant to be. Life is more then what I can conquer on my own for myself. It is about what I can be and what I can give of myself. There was another quote I found tonight:

Every man goes down to his death bearing in his hands only that which he has given away.
       - Persian Proverb

I know in my heart Scott knows the love he gave to so many. I know the power of sharing the love he gave to me. It didn't matter to him that I have a few "ehhum" extra pounds, a bit of a temper when upset or moments of melting into an emotional mess. He loves me for who I am and my love for him. Whatever it was he saw in me was for the good! He always told me I made him a better person. I know the same was for him with me. I want to keep doing that. I want to continue to be that person he fell in love with. That person that made a difference in his life. He may be gone but I am still that person. When it is my time to be in the loving arms of God it will matter that loving was my priority in life. It comes in so  many different forms that no one is right. You just have to take the time to give of it freely. If it is important enough it will be returned. It has to be it is the best gift in the world. No amount of fear of failure, heartbreak or loss will ever convince me otherwise.  It is ok to take a chance. The stars will never be in just the perfect place you just have to leap with all your might and find a way to make it work. Games of love are always worth the risk.