Christmas Marketing

Welcome to the Season of "What the H*&& am I doing here?" Yes I'm so happy to celebrate. Can you hear the sarcasm in my typing? Actually it's not all true. I love driving around alone listening to the beautiful Christmas music of Silent Night and others while enjoying the twinkle of the magical lights. Those are the moments I feel the connection to the reasons that are really why we celebrate. What I'm sick of is the marketing, commercials and stuff of cranky, crabby people.

I want my Christmas joy back. I want to be able to put up ALL of my decorations and feel the love and laughter. To lay under the tree listening to the Holly channel, looking up at the lights holding hands. It doesn't help that I'm the only one left in the house who cares about the magic of Christmas. I would sit for hours if I could looking at the lights and magic of the joy in my heart. How do I capture that joy again? I'm worn out. I guess the decorations will stay in the spot in the garage for a while longer.

The funny thing is I can't stop buying ornaments. I have an ornament for every occasion. I have bought at least 10 new ornaments this year! Hard to believe but right now they are hanging out in the boxes and bags they came in. I'm afraid of the memories in the box. I know they will be easier then they were last year but it doesn't mean I won't cry. I'm a mess and that is all there is to it. I don't think I will ever not be a mess. I can smile real big, tell you I'm good, life is better and move like a whirl to get the day done but that doesn't change the big picture of where has the real me gone? Where has my joy and fun gone?

Oh well I guess I've lost my rose colored glasses of life. Oh well I guess I will keep it going, just not doing Christmas on my own. I guess I get to be a bit grinchy again this year. In my own time right? I'm better then I was last year. Who knows in 50 years I might enjoy the season once again. I will get things going in my time. This isn't my time for the tree and stockings hung with care. This isn't time for my lights and twinkles. I may watch my White Christmas over and over but you won't catch me singing along and loudly to the Christmas carols in my car. My only goal this year is to continue to put one foot in front of the other.