Success is Sweet

I put the gifts in the boxes and I've wrapped one. I'm sitting here watching sappy Christmas love movies feeling sorry for myself remembering what it was like sitting here with Scott after each box was wrapped getting a kiss as he put on the name tags. "Life is worth living and when you follow your heart good things happen" is what the television is telling me. I know what my heart says but it is time I can't control. I know how to manage time. I can teach you how to remember time but I can't change you or time. I can't go back and I can't make the time go faster. I'm living in each moment.

Last night I sat here watching the lights, curled up on the couch and dreaming. I had finished watching movies and it felt good to just be here but lonely too. I miss so much and I'm trying to find the happiness in all the moments of my life. That means I have to face the quiet alone times of the holidays just as much as the frantic business of the past. I used to be the one that got everything done for everyone else. I miss those moments being there like that. The family, the love, the magic of the memories. I have regrets of the things that didn't get done but I do have the memories of all the amazing moments we shared. As I was sitting here dreaming Scott's stocking started moving. The ceiling fan is off and there isn't a breeze in the room. I know the answer. I wasn't truly alone. My house is always full of  love even when it is full only me.

On Friday night our football team came in second. That is nothing to be disappointed about! They played hard, they tried hard and they are amazing. They shouldn't be sad they should know that next year the success will be even sweeter. How could it not be? I think I keep trying to look at my life the same way. We almost made it. I had a great taste of the life I have always wanted. It will be that much sweeter when I reach that point. It is worth the wait. I may have been alone last night but I know I'm not. I'm learning about the sweetness of all my moments of life. I know I am loved. I know it will all happen. Isn't it true that good things happen to those who wait. I know I'm worth it! I'm a good thing!