Hammering Away

Look at a stone cutter hammering away at his rock, perhaps a hundred times without as much as a crack showing in it.  Yet at the hundred-and-first blow it will split in two, and I know it was not the last blow that did it, but all that had gone before.  ~Jacob A. Riis




I have a project I've been working on for 20 months today! You see I didn't even realize it until this afternoon that today was the day we found Scott, 20 months ago. I've been sick. I love having no immune system. I get whatever goes around. I slept most of the day and this afternoon I woke up from a dream with Scott present. It was one of those very real moments that I just know he was there. This time my dream took place in the supermarket. Seems crazy but we all know that I am that! I wouldn't have it any other way. Being a little bit crazy and silly makes life so much easier to live. Anyway, in the supermarket we were sharing our moments like we always had when all of the sudden he took my hand and placed it into another's. It was like he was telling me there is more to my life to come.


I know there is more but I also miss those moments with him. So I keep chipping away like the stone cutter at living life. I'm not giving up even though there are thousands of moments where I would gladly give up but I don't. Even sick I'm living. Hey and the good thing is I've found a cute doctor who knows I know what I'm talking about when I'm sick. I was awake laying reading my current little romance novel when the book talks about the main female character losing her husband and dealing with her grief. The lead male and her love interest are discussing life after loss. When the lead male tells her, "you will always love him as that part of your life but you love me in the here and now. I respect that love." Gotta love a well written romance novel! 


Isn't that what life is all about, living in the here and now? I have moments where I dwell on the what ifs and whys of my life but I'm continuing to live. I still have hurdles like the grocery store but apparently in my dream there will be another to love me through that task. I love how the messages seem so very real. I don't know how the world works or what is just over that bridge but I have to believe there is more to life then we can see. I feel the power so often. I matter to those who have crossed. I feel the love and know I will be able to conquer the things in my life that still feel impossible 20 months later. I have to believe because someday soon I will hit that stone for last time and break through. I just have to keep trying. Love matters! I will be there in the store laughing, loving and living. Now to the current task - CONQUERING THE CHRISTMAS TREE!!!