Not a Tear Well Maybe for One Song

You see there are these things I've done in the last few days that I never thought I could get through without crying every moment. I still feel the tears but I can keep them in better check. You see it started on Friday night with a football win, then into Saturday night with a home grown Heisman Trophy winner. I felt the tears and I couldn't stop them but I got busy. I forced myself into nonstop action. I baked and baked and well baked. I stood in the kitchen for hours on end for the better part of two days. You see that is me. That is my normal. I didn't really have the initial desire but I decided I needed to keep busy and MAKE myself be part of the things I love to do for Christmas.

Hannah told me I was turning into a chocolate chip. I guess at one point I was covered in chocolate. I laughed and said I just needed a chocolate massage. I felt like myself. Working on a project with my hands that comes from my heart. I am at my best doing things for others. I always said I would have made the perfect 50's housewife. Maybe in a previous life there is a smidgen of truth. I didn't know baking could make me feel so much lighter emotionally. The funny part is when I bake I don't eat. Go figure! Baking could be my diet plan. I made gifts for all my staff and a few special people in my world. I hope I made their days a bit brighter with a few little goodies.

Then it was time for the Fall Holiday Concert for the Band. I have been dreading this moment but love to hear the kids perform. They are amazingly talented and can warm the heart. I cried the entire time last year. I realized today when we were with a patient that I don't carry tissue with me everywhere I go anymore. I think that is the best Christmas gift I could have ever given myself. So our Band Director chose some of my very favorite music for the Season. I was smiling and applauding. My heart was full of love and happiness. It was as I keep saying, music is a gift from Angels. My Angel seems to know just what gifts to give to me. I shouldn't be surprised he did alive too.

There was only one moment where I started to lose my control on my tears but I felt the love from the kids in the beautiful music they created. There is so much peace and joy in this world. I'm really trying to find all those moments that make my world special. Tonight was one of those nights. I want the kids to know the gifts they give with their music made the world a little bit more special for me tonight. I miss Scott everyday but I am trying to make what time I have here on Earth matter. There will never be another Scott but that doesn't mean my life ended. I may feel it so often but maybe the choice is to just keep baking when I feel that powerful loss. I know at least one person I can ply with chocolate. Now back to decking the halls and all that falalala!