Joy of Giving

I love days like yesterday and today that I know Scott would be dancing, cheering and on cloud nine. Our football team is going to Sate and RGIII wins the Heisman Trophy. I just have this really big feeling he would be stalking about town trying to get a glimpse!  I like the moments of joyful reminders. I wish everyday could be like this. I just keep smiling and knowing the feeling like Heaven has to be closer then we can see.

I know how much I have to keep believing. Not just in my Angel but where I am in my life. I know if I keep focused on where I need to be the great things in life happen. There are moments where it is bittersweet but I know the silver lining is still there too! Lots of lives have changed as dramatically as mine have and those people also had choices to make. I'm getting there. I promise I am.

Today Hannah and I went to do some Christmas shopping. I found the perfect gift for a friend just by accident. I wasn't looking but I looked down and there it was. I am trying to believe in the Magic that is Christmas for me. Scott got the importance of those moments for me. I like the gift of giving and not just the gift itself. For me the gift includes the thoughts and love that make each gift just right. It may have just been an accidental moment today but I must have had something in my heart already to just know in an instant it was the right gift. I'm trying to find that Magic that has been buried in my heart.

Tomorrow I'm going to try to put up the tree with Hannah. I think we both need the feeling that we are being embraced. The love is in all the ornaments from our lives. The tree isn't just something that stands there but it is an emotion. The stockings are made with love not just something I bought. Christmas is here and for me it is about love. The spirit of love is all around and I have to believe there will be more for me. I will make it back into the Magic. I just miss knowing Scott got how important finding the right gifts was for me. I miss sharing my love with someone who gets me, someone who appreciates what I give of myself to provide joy, love and happiness to others. That little bit of me is showing through. I just can't be afraid of the possibility of pain. If I don't give how can I ever learn to receive the love again? There is so much joy for me in giving.