Jump

"Life is all about risks and it requires you to jump. Don't be a person who has to look back and wonder what they would have or could have had. No one lives forever."


I got a big dose of reality this morning. There was a horrific car accident on the highway. It was in the southbound lane as I was traveling north. I realized tonight when Mike brought Hannah home what I saw was bad enough but compared to what he saw was worse. He saw the flames and the truck on fire. He was driving past as an explosion occurred in the fire of the vehicles. I saw the aftermath of the fire and the accident. I was immediately in tears. I never want to see an accident where someone dies again. It sent me all back to watching them pull Scott out from the pond in his truck. I'm afraid of the emotions of grief still. I survive and live. I enjoy my life and those in my life. I smile, laugh, flirt and laugh but I'm still afraid of the moments when my emotions come out unchecked. I am truly thankful for the moments that I am alone when my tears happen. 


There are points that I want to take the risks but I'm afraid. I know things about life. I have a connection to answers I don't always understand but the part of taking the risks anymore. There is a part of life where I have to come out of this back into who I truly am. I know Scott wants me to take the leaps of faith into life but I know I have to be ready to accept all that means. Scott took the leap and I flew with him. I know there will never be another relationship like that in my life. I can say with all honestly I don't want that type of relationship again. Scott promised me so much and the only time he failed was the day he didn't come home alive. I know he didn't truly fail though because he taught me what love is all about. What it means to be in a grown up forever type of relationship. You can really have it all. It doesn't matter the circumstances of life that put people together. The piece that matters is to grab what is right in front of you and go. 


I don't ever want to look back on my life and wonder what might have been. I know I am where I am supposed to be, most of the time, because I have taken chances and made choices. I have made a choice but I have also learned I can't get be the one to make choices for others. The pieces of my life matter to me. I know I matter to others but sometimes it is hard waiting for the new pieces to fall into place. For the things you know and where you want to be it is worth taking a chance because once again I was shown today that no one lives forever. Reach for it all! Don't be afraid of what  you life has been, don't hold the past against your future, live in all the moments of today!!