The Best of Now and Here

No longer forward nor behind
I look in hope and fear;
But grateful take the good I find,
The best of now and here.
John G. Whittier


How else does one get through were they are? It is so hard to be grateful at times when looking at life makes it all seem hopeless. There are things and people in my life that I look forward to seeing and spending time with. My life didn't end. I've always known that. I haven't made the choice to stop living my life. I have kept going. It is, however, hard to accept that new dreams are there. I have new dreams but I'm afraid of them. I'm afraid to trust myself to have them. The fear in my life is letting go to fully live this new life. How else do you reach out? 


I keep looking for the happiness in each day. I have found that life is all those little moments. The little moments where looking at pictures and teasing a friend matters, a smile to someone you pass in the hall matters, a good morning kiss to my beautiful baby matters. Each day of life matters. I have never forgotten those moments. I just miss all of the moments of my life that I wanted. I don't know if I will ever stop missing those moments or that person but I can and do enjoy the new moments. 


I have pieces of my life that I look forward too each day. I'm who I am and where I am.  Not always what I like to hear but it is what it is. I keep going and my heart will always be full of love to share. This is where I'm supposed to be even if I don't understand who I help or why I have to go through this life. I will keep trying to rejoice in where I am even though I have to fight to keep going. To not give up on myself! I am thankful for so many parts and people in my life who keep giving me hope. People who believe in me and are answers to my prayers to be guided on the right path.