Have you ever...?

Have you ever!!! Laughed until you cried, loved with all your heart, yelled at the person you love, slammed a door so hard the house shook and with one smile the world was right for someone else? 

I've done them all just not recently. Today I hired someone to do the work in the yard I'm unable to do. Scott hired the last one but he just wasn't doing what I asked him to do. We shall see if this works. I wish I were independently wealthy and could work in my yard all day or do as I pleased. Since that isn't happening I must make some concessions to living in a house that is soon to be alone. I miss out on so much that is life I enjoy by hiring things done but I don't have much of choice. There are just some things that are meant to be enjoyed together. But I still get to use the riding lawnmower - yeehaw! 

I enjoyed my travels on the road this weekend. It gave me time to reflect on my journeys and travels with Scott. All the places we had been and the things he encouraged me to do and become. It is because of my life experiences that I have become more patient with some parts of my life. I have things that still bother me and I want fixed immediately but that isn't happening so I've had to learn to stop and refocus my priorities. Hannah has always been that for me but I also have to take care of myself. I can only do things with the time I've been given. 

I don't expect perfection in my life. I have given myself permission to be selective in the tasks I must complete and conserve my physical strength on the ones that are most important to where I am in my life. The chair may still be filled with clean clothes or dishes in the sink but did I just spend an evening out on the patio with Hannah making memories! You bet I did. Will we always remember the time the giant toad croaked in the pool and we were both afraid to lift him out? Of course we will!! I enjoy the moments listening to the crickets chirp! The june bugs buzzing and the water bubbling in the pool. We don't ever have to say a word but just being together builds bonds. 

Just as I remember the large turtles Scott and I caught in the pool along with numerous garden snakes. Then sitting on the edge of the pool with our feet dipped in the water laughing, loving and planning our future. I may not have reached the future we dreamed but isn't most of the fun the journey. In my mind I will always see us being married in the castle and the reception in my parents backyard. In my heart I got to wear my dress just to see the love in his eyes. There will be those moments that will go just as planned and then those where the love will be in the moments between awake and sleep where the dreams are remembered. 

I have new dreams now. I have new wishes now. The time will arrive when those will put me just where I'm supposed to be. Until then I will feel all the love in my heart for the moments at hand knowing that Scott will always be close by sharing in my life. The music never lets me forget. 

"But you went away 
How dare you
I miss you
They say I'll be okay
But I'm not going to ever get over you" - chorus to Miranda Lambert's song OVER YOU

One day at a time I will continue to live forward in each new moment of memories. I can and will always have my times of grief and sorrow but laughter brings me closer each day to new love in my life!!