Rubbish Overcome

"Once in an age God sends to some of us a friend 
who loves in us, not a false-imagining, an unreal character, 
but looking through the rubbish of our imperfections, 
loves in us the divine ideal of our nature,-
-loves, not the man/woman that we are, 
but the angel that we may be." 
~ Harriet Beecher Stowe

Have you ever had the right person in your life at just the right moments and you can't explain why? There are several people in my life but one in particular who just seems to come up with just the right things to say. One of those people you wonder why you are connected and what is the plan. I've been there yesterday and today. I friends that I don't question I just except. This friend, however, I can't just seem to go with it. I end up questioning. The wheels in my head turn and I must look like I have smoke coming out of my ears for all the thinking I do. So when that happens I have to take a moment and reflect. I know how much this person means to me and where I have walked because of the little moments that have sent me forward. I can only conclude God has a plan and I am walking forward. I'm not always the most patient person though and not knowing the answer to a secret drives me insane.

Maybe it is the time in my life to NOT question but just continue to accept where I am. I'm trying to spread my wings and fly again. I am happy when I can laugh and smile. This is who I am. I have walked through so much and the time seems to drag out. There have always been exactly the same number of seconds, minutes, days, weeks and months in a year (Don't get me started on leap year and the time change). I like the moments of my life where all my problems seem so small. Where I can conquer the world just because I'm lost in a conversation. I'm so grateful to those people in my life. My friends that share a deep connection that has to go beyond into the level of our souls. The people where conversation isn't hard and topics always flowing.

The we come around to me trying to spread my wings into the possibility of dating. I'm trying but there are some people where a connection just doesn't happen. I don't know how I do it but this feeling when someone can be nice enough but gives you the strange sensation that all isn't right. They may be just a very nice person but if a connection isn't there it just doesn't seem like the right thing to pursue. I'm trying to be nice but I don't see the point in spending what little time that is mine on someone that I don't feel the need to talk for hours and never wonder where the time went. I'm not ready for instant relationship. I want to be there and look up and it just feels comfortable. To find that connection where my life's rubbish is pushed aside and the depth of my soul is known. Am I just being a romantic dummy or am I spoiled forever with high ideals because of Scott.

I just keep hearing him say to me as he proposed, "I will always give you to infinity and beyond!" He promised and I still believe him. It may not be my forever in his arms of love but somehow I know he has the right person picked out and is doing a little bit of matchmaking from his side of the bridge. Love is a powerful emotion and when given completely in trust and returned makes all the rules in the world easier to bend. Now back to my romance novel. Maybe I need to take my love that is hanging out in my heart and create my own fairytale. Don't they say if you believe hard enough it will happen. Maybe there is an alternate world where I have the answers right before my eyes. I just have to take the time to open them and see what is right before me.