Tattoo On My Heart

Tattoo's on my life. That is what we have. It is a country song I heard on the radio tonight. I didn't bother looking to see the artist because I'm sure it will play again. I was exhausted when I came home this evening. I laid down and before I know it the time had passed. I had the moments of a very real visiting. I have to be very descriptive because I could feel him. I don't mean feel his presence but felt him, the real him.

In my alternate world Hannah and I were in my bathroom. I walked into my bedroom and he was there with Simba. He looked at me and said, "We were just checking on you! You weren't supposed to see us!" He then walked out the door onto the patio. Then turned around walked back in and said to me, "I can't just leave and not have you in my arms." He kissed me and held me. He told me he is "always close and never leaves me for long. We will be together again because this isn't the end of our story. You are on the right path and there is something wonderful about to happen for you." There was more to the dream but those words are what have stuck with me

You know there is something so very powerful in those moments. I would never in a million years be able to write the feelings this moment created for me. I have so many feelings going on in my heart right now. I miss Scott. His love his my tattoo. I don't need an ink one to know I have the one on my heart.

When I woke up the Disney Dissing Dude had called and left a message. I still haven't listened to the message. He just doesn't get I don't need to be pushed. I have explained three times this is the hardest time of the year for me. Next week is coming. It is really hard not to look at the calendar and just dread the days. I can't stand the Easter commercials and all the things in the store. I still have my Easter bunny containers for the chocolate he gave me. Two of them to be exact. If I can't get rid of those how can I have the energy to worry about someone who doesn't know me at all? So I'm trying to not be rude. I'm not the best catch in the world. I'm so damaged that whomever is my right place has to take me with all my quirks and craziness.

So here we go next week is going to happen so I will just keep living forward. I can make this and will celebrate the man who taught me to be myself and love with all my heart. I have been smiling and working into each new day just as I should be! So tonight I have to continue with my prayer, surround me with my light and love, guide me protect me, show me the way. I will find the right place at the right time.