Don't feel like it

I don't feel like doing much of anything. I'm don't even feel like writing. I keep moving though because well it is what life is about. I can't stop moving even if I try. So I just keep moving.

"In attending to the mysteries of life and death, I will listen for a chuckle in the darkness."

I love this thought. I love thinking that Scott will keep giving me laughter and smiles. I keep finding things that make me know he is still here and supporting me. When I was sad or upset he always figured out how to make me smile. The day he died he was making me smile. I was worried about him and he still made me smile.

I have a new job. Well that new job is growing. Scott is watching out for me. I have faith in God, Scott and myself. I'm tired and my panic has been there but I will keep moving forward. Next week I face the largest challenge to date - six months without Scott. I will be spending it where Scott and I spent the happiest moment of our relationship. He will be there because he loves me and he will put me in the hands of some of the best friends I could ask for. I will make this step and conquer the biggest milestone - six months.

I'm not in the mood to write today so I will let it rest tonight. Maybe someday I can figure out how to sleep!