Headaches

I have a headache. There are things happening that I choose not to share right now because ever the optimist I'm hoping that they work themselves out for the best!

I can't stand that Scott is gone. I miss laying in bed, holding hands, snuggling and talking about our day. I miss his voice, his crazy nose snorting, football lectures, being my helpmate and partner. I miss my other half. I'm not happy but I can fake it. I've been crying off and on today and mostly when others don't see me.

Yesterday I read an article on Yahoo about grieving and what people do. I can relate to all those very things. I understand. It makes sense. I want to hang on to him forever. And right now that is where I am. He isn't his stuff but his stuff let's me have instant memories. It's not just his stuff it is the way the furniture is arranged in our bedroom, the bags of fertilizer in the garage, the fantasy football league and even more things I can't even keep listing.

I'm so very tired and I need a break. I need a retreat from life. The six month mark is making it harder to get through but I will get there because I keep facing life and making it one step at a time. I'm not ignoring my feelings. I'm not drowning them in drugs or alcohol. I'm reaching out for my friends and family to help me. I'm sharing and talking through what happens. I know I'm surrounded by Scott's love. He's given me a life I only imagined. Now it would be perfect if he was here in physical form and not just in spiritually.