Wishing Well

Tonight was the opening night of the NFL. Scott died before he even knew what the schedule was going to be but I know he is watching. Hey I bet he is standing on the turf with the guys on the field. We used to talk about things we would do after we died. He would say he was going to stand on the field and watch the game from the best seat in the house. I on the other hand couldn't turn the game on tonight but I did log onto the computer and checked out the scores. Not much happening on my team yet but I will look on Sunday.

I instead watched a movie on the Hallmark channel, "Wishing Well." I want that wishing well. I want to change a few things in my life. Is that really asking too much? I am organized person who hates secrets. This was the worst secret of my life. I don't think I will now ever be able to handle surprises. I didn't tolerate them well before but now nada! I put somethings away in the firesafe last night and I looked at the receipt for my ring. I have seen it before but I didn't pay much attention to the purchase date before or I don't remember. He bought my ring a month to the day before he proposed. He kept a surprise from me and I love that surprise.

In the middle of watching the movie I hear, "we need a new cartridge for the printer. Did you pick one up earlier?" Well you can guess I didn't so there I went to Wal-mart at 9 at night. I got in there and got to the printer cartridges but I almost got stuck in the store. I stood in the back walked through the movies and started to have a panic attack. I got through it. I made it to the front of the store. ToyStory 2 set me off. I got Scott the movie for Christmas. He loved watching it and I can't find it. It was here after he died and now it's gone. ToyStory is on the shelf but not two. I started to feel the store spinning and struggled to get my feet moving. I walked as fast as I could to the self checkout and had to wait for the strange man in front of me.

I did it. I got back to the car and turned it on and yes you guessed it - music from Scott. I cried all the way home. I started today horribly sad after yesterday. I don't think I slept well last night but I made it today. I got lost in my work and solved a few more estate problems. I can't do it all at once but I'm amazed at how much persistence and patience it takes to get all the little details wrapped up. I have his guidance because I couldn't have done this without the hand of God and the love of Scott.

Today's meditation:

"There is a land of the living and a land of the dead and the bridge is love the only survival the only meaning." - Thornton Wilder

I hold that passage close to my heart. I know love knows no boundaries and keeps us bridge together. That bridge will be there when it is my time to cross but for now the light and love fills my heart. My wish will come true someday.