Not Today

These weekends alone make me miss our life together so very much. This morning I woke up after struggling to sleep last night remembering the first day we met. It is amazing to find a connection with someone that is instant. Like we had known each other forever. I miss my friend that grew into love. That doesn't happen very often. That is true infinity and beyond connection. I have several other friends like that but with Scott it was even more intense. I know that will never happen again. It makes the tears flow down my face not having him here today swimming, yardwork and all the silly battles over doing the chores.

So yesterday and today are nothing special. Just another boring quiet weekend alone. I guess I just need to get over that. Not yet. I get to mourn for as long as I need. I don't cry as much but the pain still exists. Forever is how long it will be there but I will learn to live with it. Today I will do what I want. If I get laundry done then I've done something. If I just lay on the couch watching the bio of Nancy McKeon then I will have done something. I will be who I am in my own time. If I choose to not leave the house today I won't!

In my own time I will be the new me. Not today.