Piles of Lemons

I haven't written for the last few days because of the lemons that piled upon me but you see I have lots of friends that helped me make lemonade! The world of employment and being loyal and productive mean nothing when the people you worked for have no common sense or business sense. I am very fortunate to be well educated and as I have had to ask for reassurance this weekend that I am a good Speech Language Pathologist and Rehab Director. My self confidence is shaken but I keep one foot in front of the other.

I have to say I have very wonderful friends and colleagues that care about me. People that support me and help me to walk through this path. I don't know what I would have done otherwise. I had some very dark moments but I made it. I reached out and got my horrid emotions out of my head. On Thursday morning it was very foggy as I went to work. As I reached the end of the neighborhood I turned left onto the main road. If I would have gone straight under the overpass I would have headed out to where Scott died. Turning right lead me to work. It was all I could do not to go out and be with Scott forever. That is when I said not today but someday and made the right turn.

I've made it through another ordeal. I'm not as strong as others see me but I get through my pain and walk. I still am in great pain but I must be so much better at hiding it from everyone. Someone said to me the other day she can tell I'm getting better because my posts are less about my pain and more about my activities. The people who love me are surrounding me keep me going. Keep me living. I'm am walking through life and I know Scott is still with me.

Last night was Midway Homecoming. It was so much fun to see Hannah and her friends in the joy of a new experience in life. I met her "date" and his mother. I was once again Mammarazzi. I have all these new moments in life captured on film and I can't even look at the photos of the last three years. Once again last night we sat in our seats in Panther Stadium. The seat next to me was once again "empty." Pamela said that to me but we both looked at the seat and said it's not empty it is Scott. He is with us. Mike and Pamela feel it too when we are together.

I will survive with the love of my family and friends. I will make it to a place that is easier to make it to the someday. There won't always be a someday. That someday will come that will be my time to be in our joyous heaven with Scott. He will greet me with his love that will complete his promise to me of infinity and beyond.

I love you all so very much. Thank you for protecting me and guiding me through each today.