Monday Madness

Today was really busy but that seems to be my life these days. I had a follow up appointment at my MD today for all my stuff. My favorite nurse was missing and I learned that her sister had committed suicide. I can't take the world. My doctor and I talked a bunch about making sure your life is in order but not for that purpose. I have the purpose to make sure my life is in order for my daughter if something happens to me. It seems to be my singular goal right now is to finish the stuff for Scott and then know that someone knows how my stuff should be dealt with.

Just for the record. I will be buried right next to Scott. Can I say that any clearer. I'm not planning on using it anytime soon but it is there for me. Bought and paid for. Redundant to say but yes. It will just be a place for our bodies because our souls will never be apart.

Today I read this from my favorite book:


"Who sees Me in all,
And sees all in Me,
For him I am not lost,
And he is not lost for Me." - Bhagavad Gita

It says so very much to me. God and Scott know me. Hannah knows me and I will make sure she knows what to do for me when it is my time. I urge you to do the same for your family. You know those you can count on in times of need or crisis. Help those people know what to do when you are in your Heaven. I know for Scott because we matching sides. We may have some differences but I said something to Scott's sister a few weeks ago and she said to me, "Oh my God, you sound just like Scott!" I promise we didn't always agree on everything but that connection is there.

I get the places where I function but it doesn't stop the pain when new things happen to other good people in life. The world needs to slow down or at least tell me if we are really meant to end soon. I want to know my expiration date. I really hate surprises but I know Scott will greet me with a big kiss and show me our heaven. Just not today, but someday. For now I survive the grief when I'm hit with it again and again and when I least expect it to be there.

Now let's cheer for my beloved Chiefs! This game I can watch without a panic attack! I hate being so unpredictable.