A Hard Day's Night

How do I even begin to start today's entry. I can't even find the words to explain all the emotions and events of the day. I will try. I may ramble but I will try. So yesterday Hannah drove up the driveway without incident. Well that turns out to be not so true. My car has this feature we have been unable to repeat when we try and it happens sporadically. It rolls down the windows when you push the key clicker pad in a certain order. Somehow that managed to happen last night and well we have had torrential downpours since yesterday. So at 6:30 am when I went out to take her to school the car was a bit wet. It took me a minute to figure out in the dark that the windows were cracked about an inch. So the inside of my car got an accidental bath. Not the worse thing that can happen in a day but just wait before you pass judgement.

I get to work eventually and find out three of our nursing staff members have had car accidents this morning. Not so bad because they were all okay. Then I received some other news. Our Activity Director's husband had a stroke last week. We have all been praying for them in their time of need. Today he was non responsive and didn't have much longer to be here. I felt the need to be there for her. We bundled up his sister from the nursing home and took her to see her brother. Several of the department heads were there for the family. About 20 minutes after we arrived he passed on. The room was very peaceful when he died. I could feel the love surrounding the family from above. God is shining his light on this glorious family as they know begin their journey to a new place.

I can't begin to explain how this stretched my heart today. I felt his energy in the room in a different spot then at the bed. He was there. His spirit was there and then the peace settled upon the room. I was overwhelmed with my own feelings but at the same time knew I needed to be there for her. This brings me to my own pain. He was surrounded by his family but I will forever be trying to comprehend Scott dying alone in his truck submerged in a pond. I would have loved to have been able to live into an old age and be at his bedside and tell him how much I love him as he went to be with God. I knew he was gone that evening. I sat just telling him how much I loved him and that I needed to know where he was. My prayers were answered when we found him. He knows my love for him will never end but I have to continue to work through my own human flaws.

I then sat at a lunch with my staff with some really great marketers from a home health. I'm not sure I was there. I'm not sure I know how I got through lunch other then the fantastic company I was with. I wouldn't make it through each day without them. Crazy and wild they keep me grounded in the daily mundane and the wild antics.

Yes I made it through the afternoon and it was time to attend a new grief support group at one of the Episcopal Churches. I survived and I think it will be very helpful and guide me to the right place that I continue to work towards. This journey has no guidelines, time frames or sameness for everyone who has, is or will ever travel this path. I will embrace what I need from this group and hope to help another even if I never know how much my path gave another hope.

With that I continued my journey for the day to pick up Hannah and take her to our church for CCE opening ceremonies. This will be her year of conformation. Her journey further into the church and what we hope will add to her already strong foundation and spiritual path. I feel like I have done the church circuit today. I have received my calming power of prayer. Not just on my own but in several different religious structures. I feel sad but I'm at peace with my journey tonight.

So with this I will lay my head onto my pillow and try to reach out to my love tonight and feel his love surrounding me as I continue my journey for him.