Rescue Me

Good days then days that aren't so great. I don't know how I can be this way but I am. When my counselor cancels at 15 minutes until time to see her after canceling last week too well I'm kind of not on the right direction. I got out of the house because I made myself. Somehow work spiraled to me feeling at the end of the day like I was not any good at doing anything in my life.

Don't tell me because I do know better but when your to do list doesn't fit on one sheet of paper then your cup runneth over! I have lots to be happy about and some stuff that isn't so great but that is life for anyone. I wish my inner strength would kick in versus my paranoia. I know lots of stuff but I have so many self doubts. So remember when you ever feel like that about yourself that there is someone else out there feeling the same way.

I make stuff happen. I'm getting things taken care of but I also have to remember that I am only one person for my job, home tasks and taking care of myself and Hannah. I can ask and do have help but sometimes superwoman kicks in and I have to get out the kryptonite to slow her down. There are so many things I'm missing today. Scott being here is the biggest. I keep thinking about the dreams we had of sitting on the island in Fiji and then I recall the "island time" we had sitting on an empty beach area in Disney World and snuggling in our hammock.

So you see I do repeat myself a bunch. I am worn out and ready to sleep without meds at 9 pm. I don't think if I tried to sleep without the meds would it work. I have tried and my mind races into 7000 different directions. I wish I could harness the power of my brain to keep the electricity going in the house. I think I need some time to sort through all the stuff that keeps creeping up on me. Ignoring it all only lasts for so long and then I can't do it anymore. I have to keep facing the demons in my head and pray for guidance, love and light. Where is my knight in shining armor when I need him the most?