Follow Your Heart and Intuition

Our lives improve only when we take chances - and the first and most difficult risk we can take is to be honest with ourselves.
       - Walter Anderson




"Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life,” Jobs said. “Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.” Steve Jobs 1955-2011




I know what I want to become. I really used to know but not the way I do now. Isn't it funny how the little moments that you take for granted turn into a choice you didn't want to make. When you are honest with yourself you know in your heart the right choice to make.  Last night I cried myself to sleep once again. All the music I have loaded into my computer fits on my iPad so I turn on the iPod and let it shuffle.  My Angelic DJ always tells me what I need to hear in that moment in time. 


I drifted off to sleep at some point about three am. I wish I could really sleep but for the moment I was good being wrapped in a musical hug. There is something so magical about music for me. It put me in a calmer place to finally sleep. I went to a great dream. It was funny and silly but like I was in a story with so many people who care about me. Then something about a cute guy speaking in Spanish and blushing. Hey I like the pieces that are fun to remember. It is much better to feel that happiness come through in the dreams instead of the moments of fear and pain.


I know where I'm headed and today was another step in the right direction for my own sanity. I took the second step to make the changes I need to make for my life and my daughter. Making sure she is happy is the right place to be for me. The perk is if I get to find a peace and happiness for myself along the way. I like my dream visits that lead me where I know I need to be anyway but I ignore myself along the way. I must take the time and be honest with myself and the path I've been given. I know where I'm supposed to be. I know I have the vision to make the things happen. It doesn't have to be a news making, life changing moment for the world. It only matters that it changes my life for the better. It only matters that I get to have another door held open. 


I can have my days to continue my grief process but I haven't let it become an all encompassing take over who I am situation. I know that I can smile and laugh because of a silly email, a post of a hug and a silent smile with a hint of mischief. That is who I was before with Scott, there's is no reason I can't be that now. My life path changed, my soul changed but my heart is still as big as always. I have the courage to follow my heart and intuition for myself! If you want to join me company is always welcome! I can make a difference for myself.