Restlessness

This restless energy is soaring thru my body. I'm having this strong sensation that something isn't right. I've learned over the years to trust my instincts but this is more powerful. It is the power of knowing Scott something was wrong with Scott or the day I knew something was wrong with my dad and they rushed him in for open heart surgery. I have other times where I feel this. I'm trying to be positive and light hearted but really overwhelming. Ugg! It is not fun. I like to be wrong when I feel like this.

So I've tried distracting myself with tv, which made it worse. I played my FB game but couldn't concentrate. I've picked up my embroidery a dozen times and my hands don't feel like fine motor tasks. Reading, a bath, even, yes, housework to no avail. So here I am writing it all down trying to get it all out of my head. I even tried flirting with my flirty guy friend but he was nowhere to be found. It got worse with all the Steve Jobs stuff. At first, I was able to push it to the back of my mind but it keeps growing.

This feeling is different then a panic attack. My heart isn't racing and I can breathe. This is an immense feeling of sadness, loneliness, and worry. I'm able to worry with the best of them when I understand what there is to worry about. This is different. I've heard "my heart?!?" in my head several times now. Maybe I just need to stop and listen to him. Apparently I'm not going to be able to shut it out tonight. There is a reason. I don't feel irrational, paranoid any of those things. I've been smiling all day. Ugg. I believe in the power from beyond but sometimes the messages just aren't clear. Sometimes there are none. Oh wait I know what I haven't done - Meditation! I'm not about to medicate it doesn't really help anyway just makes me hungover. Okay this helped. Pardon my ramblings but I needed to find some coherent thought processes and words just seen to pour from my fingers.