Honoring Love

I have learned not to worry about love;
But to honor its coming with all my heart.
Alice Walker


Today has so many meanings. It is a day of so much happiness at so many places in my life. The tears are flowing freely as I sit here trying to make the words pour from my fingers as normal but I'm not sure how to keep my normal going tonight. Today is still an anniversary of many things. The anniversary of walking down the aisle in the big dream wedding and saying I do to the wonderful man whom I share a daughter. Being divorced doesn't change that date we thought we would ride that tandem bicycle further then we did. I am happy that we can keep going as parents for Hannah. So with that Happy Anniversary Michael. Our time together made me who I am now and with that I will always love you.


Two years ago today Scott and I became "official." We didn't get to have our Fairytale Castle wedding on the date we had picked to be ours. Instead we have today, by accident. Today is the day he legally declared me as his wife. The day he declared our forever. We didn't get to spill it to the world but it doesn't matter because we know. I know the power of love with Scott that has also made me who I am today. I miss him everyday. Some how it just becomes easier to focus on who I have become and where I am going then what I have lost.


Last night felt like Scott was around. I was doing something he would have begged to do. I would have teased and tortured but would have gone too. I took a bus with a group of people I barely know plus my dear friend, Angela to a football game four hours away. I went to a BBQ place he wanted to make sure I tried just to get me to eat new things on the off chance I might like something. We watched "Blindside" and "Remember the Titans" on the bus. He had just purchased "Blindside" the day before he died. My copy is still in the original packaging. I've seen the movie just not his copy. I felt like I had a mystical date last night to celebrate his life and I'm the only one who understood. 


I know there is more to my life. The power I have to feel Scott around has also given me a feeling of more to come. The magic of my life continues to grow. I'm not afraid of the chance of love. I just don't like surprises so very much. In this I don't have an option. I can trust my intuition and let love happen when the time is right. I can only be patient and know what I feel in my heart. I feel the power of love on this day that is not only about the love that has shaped me but the love into which I will travel. October 15 seems to be a day of destiny for me. I'm not sure why but here I am. With a toast to my two loves of my past and to the possibility of my love in the future. Today also proves I can't control when life events occur. I will be where I am supposed to be when the time is right.