Books of help

Just one of those days. I'm so worn out today. I wish I could stay in bed when I wanted and hide from the world. It is just one of those days where everything was overwhelming. It doesn't help to have 5 speech therapy evals plus all the management duties. It was one of those days where my to do list didn't fit with what everyone else wanted. I just smile and try to reach a point that I can get to where the stuff I needed to do at least got a few pieces completed. Small tasks in itty bitty pieces.

Daily Meditation book.

"To read the words of others who have gone through grief is another way of keeping the process going, and of finding another understanding friend. When a writer describes for me how I am feeling, she or he becomes my friend; I am not alone. Somehow that person has achieved some peace with the pain, enough to write it down. Maybe I, too, will find my way through this." - Martha Whitmore Hickman

Yes I think that is exactly what I have done. From the very beginning I tried to find words that would help me understand or find that others could tell me what I was feeling. Then in search of words for my own feelings I started writing here. As the months have passed the feelings are all still here. There's not a day goes by that I don't have tears but finding answers just doesn't ever seem possible. I will find a way with each new day that I am given to walk. Today I was exhausted but I got through the day. I made it there. I go into autopilot but that works for me too.

So now I resort back to comfort mode. PJ's, facebook games and the TV. I'm just sad that iCarly and House Hunters aren't on right now. Tonight I will go to bed with the pillows on Scott's side of the bed and one of his tshirts covering a pillow. I sometimes put on his deoderant to have his scent with me. I'm not handling Halloween very well. I'm prepared to hole up in the dark and never have to answer the door. Now if my family would let me get away with that at Christmas and Thanksgiving then I'd be okay with that. I'm trying to find the Magic these used to offer but it may be a long time before that happens ever again.

One moment at time, I will journey forward.