Life should be a boardgame

Nope still can't figure out how to not have tears at the oddest times but it helps so I know I'm functional. Today started out as a crazy Monday and well continued to be a crazy Monday. I think my job title should be Political Director but I get paid well to smooth feathers and make sure people are on task. I hope I'm good at it for the most part.

From the Grief Meditation book -

"We have only to believe. And the more threatening and irreducible reality appears, the more firmly and desperately must we believe. Then, little by little, we shall see the universal horror unbend, and then smile upon us, and then take us in its more than human arms." - Theilhard De Chardin

Yes I choose to believe in God and the arms that have held me up through all of this. I choose to believe that at death the energy that is our soul continues to surround those we love. Life on Earth can't be the end. We all have people we meet that we feel as if we have a connection that transcends words. I have met many people like that in my life but Scott was by far the deepest. I believe our souls have been together and will always continue to find each other. If I don't believe in that then what would be the purpose of all of us just hanging out here on Earth for what is really a limited time? What would be the purpose of developing all of these new technologies and skills? Nope we have to live for a purpose that we don't see. I have to believe or what would be my point. I'm a goal oriented person and I don't know what the ultimate plan is for my soul through all this grief but I find kindness, loving and caring are much better then anger, blaming and hiding.

I am surviving with tears that make living bearable. I love Scott. He is part of my soul but he has given me so many new people to connect with and love. I'm trying to be there for others and still take care of my poor broken soul. The hole in my heart will never heal but I'm learning day by day to live around it. That's all we can ever hope for in this journey we call life. Too bad it isn't as easy as spinning the little wheel, moving your car and filling it with plastic people.