Cooking up a storm

I am slowly learning to be in the house and not stop and cry at the drop of a hat. I've learned that the shower is a good place to cry and bring Scott into my day.

I was busy today and then I had a conference call and all of the sudden I felt a huge kiss. I was alone in the office and an instant memory of when Scott and I worked together and I'd be on a call and he would come in, the door was closed, kiss me and walk out. I'd forgotten about that and I felt him sending me a message. He isn't very far away.

Tonight I achieved something I have been putting off. Real cooking! I haven't made this dish for more then six months. It was a special dish for Scott, Hannah and I. I haven't really cooked since the night he died. I cooked, I used the pots and pans and fresh ingredients. I poured in the wine into the dish but not me. Only one glass at WDW have I had since the night of his funeral. I'm trying but it is only a step in this process that has no time lines. I will work through it all eventually in my own way.

I still struggle but I'm getting much better at fooling most people. There are a few I can't get away with that technique but that truly means they know me without asking. I will survive for the moment. I'm sitting here typing this watching a storm that came through here head to Teague. Scott's body is there but his soul works in different places. I think I'm understanding who I am for now. Someday I may be different but not today.