Peace and Love

It is amazing to me how we are all interconnected to others. I had grief support group this afternoon and I can tell you how amazing the support and conncections this group provides. Today we talked about religion and how we use prayer to get to our own acceptance of the horrible events in our lives. I can tell you that the way I pray has changed. The power of prayer has seemed to increase my tolerance of crap and bs because it doesn't matter. I do still get frustrated sometimes but then I say a little prayer not for myself but for others and I move forward. I know in this journey it can seem to others that I am self-centered and only focused on my own needs but that is so far from the truth. I just take more things with a grain of salt and move to what my heart and soul tell me are the right things to do. I have walked this path with a prayer for love and guidance from God and Scott. I have made decisions with this natural instinct that I don't always understand. I may not do what everyone thinks I should do but I do what feels right.

I have a patient in my new job that had a massive stroke. She has had very little speech but demonstrates the ability to understand. Today she was brought into the gym. I smiled at her and asked her how she was doing. She bloomed right before my eyes. I could feel the love from her and the connection we have formed without words. She then tried to answer my questions and I could read her lips to understand. I love this gift. Yes it is a gift I have. I don't always take credit but I have many patients I have connected to over the years when others don't take the time to find someone is still there. Scott used to get so mad when I wouldn't acknowledge or shrug it off but today as I was talking to this patient I could feel Scott's arms around me. He had this amazing gift that far outshines anything I may have. I could imagine the connection he would have made with this beautiful lady. With that knowledge I think my prayers to be surrounded by love and light does get answered.

I have to start each day with this prayer so that I can move out into the world of others to pass along the gifts I have received. Scott's love for me was a gift. When we would argue he would tell me, "don't give up on me. You are the love I've been looking for and we can do this." He was right. I still can't give up on him because he is the love I was looking for. Each day we had together was a gift. I hate to say we took some of them for granted but we did truly live a life dreams are made. I don't know how to top that but I do know how to pass the love in my heart along to others. If that happens with a smile, a kind word, a gift of my skills/knowledge or giving others a way to remember Scott as the man he'd become with me then I have moved my own soul to another level. Hopefully someday that means Scott and I get to exsist in the same realm again. I hope others can find the peace to look beyond things they think are worth being angry over and find the common ground in love.