My Healing Journey

I have so much to say about the trip that it will take me some time to put all the thoughts together from the trip to Walt Disney World. I took this journey without telling many people I was going until the very end. I know that Scott has taught me love is endless and has no boundaries, expectations or conditions. He is part of my soul but there are many people who I have a connection on a level that can't be explained.

Many of those people traveled to Disney with me this week. Many others stayed behind and then of course those connected to my soul that have nothing to do with Disney. So many people that make my life special. Scott has given me a life lesson that I have begun to understand in the depths of my grief. We all operate at different levels but we have bonds that we can't see or understand. We all intermingle in each other's lives without understanding. We have our ups and downs but the true test is being open to love and friendship beyond life.

Many of my Disney friends will understand where this post comes from in my heart. One of my closest friends and I had a huge fight about 18 months ago and then a year ago it escalated into us not speaking and cutting each other out our lives without ever sitting to talk about the issues. We have many similar qualities and we were very good friends. I have been told that Scott's death upset him beyond words and he reached out a bit at that time. We have known each other for 10 years in our chosen family. Scott used to laugh and say, "oh it's just D again!" and hand me my phone when I got a text message. He was excited to someday meet him and his family. Good or bad we both hurt each other without ever taking the time to do what we do best, talk. We walked away from our friendship.

Since Scott died I keep getting these images from Scott of my friend with Scott telling me we needed to forgive each other. In the scope of life a friendship was more important then who was right or wrong. Scott taught me how to love unconditionally. I went to Disney knowing I had to combat my own demons of returning to the last place where Scott and I celebrated our love but I found I had other things I needed to address. I am still tentative about walking head on but I know that life can be over in an instant. I am trying to trust that we can be friends and learn from our mistakes.

My trip was more then the past but is about the future. I know Scott is walking by my side reminding me of the importance of unconditional love. I have so many friends that have given me this during this time, it is up to me to pass it on. Scott loved me to infinity and beyond. I'm still here to love others to infinity and beyond. My family and friends come first! I can walk forward and repair the foundation of friendship that could have been saved in the first place if we do what we have now promised each other - communication and listening. So hugs to my Disney friends who watched the fragile framework begin to repair something that effected our entire group. How is it that we can be so angry at each other and still end up talking, laughing and joking in the middle of all the others. Thank you Scott for giving me the understanding of the power of the connection of souls. We each have a reason to be here and bonds to form that are beyond the power of our human flaws. Love transcends all and there are so many forms. Reach out and forgive.