Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Just Press Play

I'm so tired but I'm making it. I can't believe how I'm making it on so very little sleep. I still don't sleep well. I'm not sure if I ever will. I take my meds to get to sleep but I'm awake after about 4 hours. No matter what I do something wakes me up. It then becomes a matter of turning off my brain. Well okay those buttons just don't exist. Nope I'm not able to find the stop, pause, fast forward or rewind buttons.

"As the months pass and the seasons change, something of tranquillity descends, and although the well-remembered footstep will not sound again, nor the voice call from the room beyond, there seems to be about one in the air an atmosphere of love, a living presence...IT is as though one shared, in some indefinable manner, the freedom and the peace, even at times the joy, of another world where there is no more pain...The feeling is simply there, pervading all thought, all action. When Christ the healer said, "Blessed are they that mourn, for they shall be comforted," he must have meant just this." - Daphne Du Maurier

Yes this is so very true. I feel his embrace in the strangest settings and at the strangest times. I feel others reach out to me to assist. My story is as old as man. The journey after the loss of love into God's arms. I'm not alone in this journey but it is my path to take. There is no cookbook and I have no way to explain what happens each day. I'm learning to make it but the feeling of Scott's love is always with me. Some moments are stronger then others but I'm not alone even when I feel alone in a crowd of people.

I'm here because I have a road to continue to travel. It's just not as much fun as it used to be. This isn't the life I chose to live but I don't get a say in the matter. I get a say in how I continue to journey on this detour.

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