Grim Grinning Ghosts

Or I guess I should have titled this scooting through emotions. WDW has always been a place of great joy for me before Scott. It needs to be a place of great joy for me after Scott. It is how I seem to mark the time in my life right now. I'm getting better at living and functioning alone but I miss that togetherness and knowing he was sitting next to me on the couch playing with my toes or sending me IM on Facebook just to tell me he loves me.

Last night I talked about the unconditional love and not placing boundaries on the people you love. It also works when you reach out to someone with a kind word or just a quick "thinking about you." I have received so much of that but I think sometimes it is hard for the people reaching out to know how much that touches my heart. From my best friends to people I barely know but are with me because of Scott the support I receive gets me through my daily struggles.

At WDW I can walk some of it but because of my MS it is very hard for me to do all of the distances without losing the enjoyment and magic when I have to spend most of the trip in bed. Over the years I practice what the therapists call "energy conservation." At WDW that means I use a scooter to get from point A to point B. I try to walk on as many rides as possible because I'm not a complete invalid. It is a great joy to be able to reach out to my friends and talk and walk along with them and be included into the conversation even when I have "butt view." I'm not alone and they accept me as I am and help me along the way.

The one exception to this was the night of the Halloween Party. We had walked on without waiting on most things but Haunted Mansion we took the back entrance onto the ride. I was getting tired and standing for any length of time wasn't going to allow me to continue with the party. Who needs numb legs? We got into the ride laughing and joking along the way but as we were seated into the doom buggy the tears flowed. I was sobbing. This is one of my very favorite rides and I couldn't stop crying. I can tell you exactly what it was that did it for me - the coffin, the clock striking 13, the medium calling the spirits, the bride in the attic, the dancing ghosts, the graveyard, the girl telling us to bring back our death certificate because there is room for one more and the ghost hitching a ride. So it was the entire ride. The last time I was on this was, of course, with Scott and we joked about bringing back our death certificate but not for many years! Just thinking about that is making me cry as I type this. I don't know if I will be able to ever get on this ride again without crying.

So I've added to my places to cry, not only last week but today. I started my new job and one of my staff members worked with Scott and I when we met. He was there at the beginning. I told him the story because he only knew what he had seen on the news. Oh what a great way to start the day and then at lunch to drive past Brazos Children's Center and feel the pull to go inside. Scott has powerful skills but I said not today but someday. I do have something to give to his coworkers but it hasn't all pulled together so that I can do that for them. To tell them thank you for all they have done and for loving him too.

Thank you to all my friends for helping me take one step forward and make it this far without checking me into the psych ward. I'm sure some days I do belong there but nobody will take me!