Deviled Eggs

I feel like a crazy person. I feel like I need a bed in the local psych unit! My MD disagrees. She keeps telling me that its the people who don't know they are crazy that need help. The people like you recognize when you are having problems means you aren't crazy just trying to deal with life and what has been handed to you. I don't know but if she says so!

I have been in that thinking mode again. This week is such a struggle for me. Last year we didn't have the girls over Thanksgiving. We chose to spend it alone together. We have family around but we told both sets no and spent the most fun day in the kitchen cooking together. The craziest silliest we got was learning to make his favorite treat - Deviled Eggs. Those same deviled eggs were supposed to be made on Easter Sunday for dinner but that didn't happen. The recipie is still sitting on his bathroom counter. After we finished cooking last we sat at a beautifully romantic table and enjoyed being together. Talking, laughing and loving just being together in our time.

Those beautiful memories are so very precious to me. How much we loved being together just with each other or surrounded by others. I'm so very glad we have so many memories that we made together. Those memories surrounded with my beautiful loving daughter, family and dear friends make each day possible. I have my days where I know I have to be in my own space without others around me somedays but I will continue to get out of the funk and live. I don't have the power to stop living. I don't get that choice. My expiration date isn't visible so when it happens I will be ready but I'm not going to do it myself.

"You may my glories and my state depose, But not my grief. STill I am king of those" - William Shakspeare.

Grief affects all my relationships but in my alone time is when I face it the most. I do control that I can get past my lows and find a new higher level. I will be the only judge of my ability to move on to something else. I do know when I can make those steps. I know I show that publically that I can do things besides wallow and I do take each step in my own time!