Love Lives On

"If at times we are somewhat stunned by the tempest, never fear; let us take breath, and go on afresh." -Francis De Sales


This Daily Meditation Grief book really does help me in ways that are very hard to explain. I think it is most importantly that I am not alone in this journey and that others will follow. The other's will follow part is very clear to me since my dear friend Betsy is dealing with her own personal journey. It seems so very odd that six months to the day we each lost the people who we were closest to in our daily lives. That is the struggle for each of us. It is not the name or role we have assigned that person but how much interaction and life we had that suddenly leaves a void.

I'm adapting. I'm adjusting. Some days are better then others but there are days that I'm gone again. Today has been a good day. I talk of him often because that is what I have. It is funny because Scott and I traveled to every place he remembered living in the State of TX. I saw all the houses he lived in. The elementary schools he attended. I got a detailed description of where his room was in each home. He talked about teachers and friends. We shared so much. Now his memories are mine also. If he spoke of you then you must know the important part you played in your time in his life.

We had this game we played with places where we had been with others to make memories that were ours. It is hard to put into words but we traveled to places we'd each been with others, past relationships, travels with friends that gave them our mark and our memories. It was like a time crunch for us to squeeze so much into a short amount of time. He would always say "I wish I'd met you when I was 19" and my reply was "But without all that has shaped you to be the man you are for me!" Our destiny will always be together. Today little things that happened along the way have been popping into my head. Nothing that connects to anything happening, just random stuff that means things only Scott and I understand. It is like I'm being fed thoughts to remember all the love we shared. All that we overcame to be together.

Those new memories we created didn't take away the memories we created with others because that is what brought us together. Our game wasn't done to be mean or devalue but to know that we were important enough to each other to have a life together. That we weren't living in the past but living forward in each other's arms. I know Scott's history and he mine. There was very little we kept secret from each other. If it mattered to us still then we shared. I miss sharing the details with him. It is funny though because I continue to feel if there are things he wants me to know or do. I seems odd at times when things happen and usually I will dismiss it until it continues.

For today was a quiet day, I could feel his love continue to surround us. We walked into the grocery store and Michael's and I wasn't terrified of the thought of Christmas. It was as if those little things that didn't fit were meant to remind me that love is greater then life. I will continue to walk forward and feel the love around me not just from those passed on but those who are still living and give me great support.