Friendships

"Without friends the world is but a wilderness... There is no man that imparteth his joys to his friends, but he joyeth the more; and no man that imparteth griefs to his friends,but he grieveth the less." - Frances Bacon

Yes it does take an effort to be a friend and it also takes an effort to let my friends be here for me. I don't want to impose on others by continuing my saga of ongoing sadness and depression. I do have good times and can smile and laugh but this day is just another in many days that have gone by.

It is amazing how being sick just reopens wounds I try to move past but they aren't going anywhere. This has been a terrible loss for me and I try to bury myself away from others and hide my grief but when I do that I become a hermit. I don't want to always be in this grief but I have to continue to face that there are times it is okay to sit and let it happen. Let the tears roll and try to heal myself with them.

I really think so many things each day that I can't share that I feel like I have no right to burden others with these feelings. I know that I have a great circle of friends that I trust with all my heart. I know that Scott didn't choose to leave me and the girls behind. I know he would have change anything if he'd known what was about to happen. I can feel him telling me that all the time. I can feel him embracing me so very often to get me through a point that gets me out there and into the supporting arms of others.

There are things that will always continue to happen that I will forever believe in the power of God and the unknown. It isn't my time to know things but it is my time to continue to place my self in the hands of those around me. Those that have been placed into my life for a reason. I have no voice to ask for help right now. I will make it just for now it continues to be one day at a time.