Quiet but not alone

I've been just hanging out playing on the computer today. My time has been very peaceful and just what I needed. Living in my own solitude for a time gives me the revitalization I need to conquer the world once again. I'm never really alone for long though. It is funny how that happens. I had my phone off completely so I could update it and that was the alone time. Then friends checked on me. I got a phone call for a few minutes with an invitation to a church Thanksgiving feast tomorrow evening, then later a long visit with a great friend who now knows all the details and stresses that I've been not showing to everyone and finally one of my football "brothers" asking for a favor! During all that time I'm playing on facebook and I know my friends would really send out the guard if they didn't see me there! Plus I can carry on a conversation with my beautiful daughter for all to see on a post I made about my phone! I love her to pieces and we have so much fun with each other.

So I'm never left alone for long which I'm forever grateful. My peace is good for a bit but I can get sick of my own company. It is so very funny how I still gage my days and my emotions. I'm not sure where I would be without all the people in my life. Rhonda told me tonight how very strong I am and that I was strong before Scott died and that hasn't changed. I'm finally able to accept those words. It has been a bit in arriving but I don't cringe at the words anymore. I'm still the person Scott fell in love with all the years ago. As I was sitting here tonight chatting my computer screen saver was rolling pictures of my life with Scott. I have thousands of photos of our time together. I need to work towards doing something with them. That is my goal. I don't know what I will do but it will come to me! I will find the answers. Just like everything else in my life.

I do know that I'm not perfect far from it. I just do the things that work for me. I have learned in all of this not to apologize for who I am. I do what I can when the time is right. I still love the phrase not today but someday. I'm getting to those little somedays one step at a time. I'm happy I can make my steps on my own with the support and love of so many people.

"Have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones; and when you have laboriously accomplished your daily task, go to sleep in peace. God is awake." - Victor Hugo