Capacity to Feel

"Happiness comes of the capacity to feel deeply, to enjoy simply, to think freely, to risk life, to be needed."
       - Storm Jameson


Risking life! Isn't that the hardest thing to do? Step out of the safety net and feel! I know there are many forms of pain and heartache. I've had my fair share but who hasn't?  In the past it never stopped me from just being out there and keep going. In high school having a crush and being rejected. In college a long-term relationship end in heartbreak because of my own fears. Losing your husband in a tragic accident. They all have the ups and downs of feeling. I miss feeling. I have sheltered myself and stick to safety. How do you take a risk?


I also miss being needed. These summer breaks have always been hard because Hannah doesn't need me right now. I chose to let her go and I have since she was a baby because I know she needs to know Grandma's love and caring. Letting them develop that relationship has always been a strong feeling I have had. I got the joy with my Grandma and it was one of the greatest relationships I will ever have. I want that for Hannah too. In that I have to learn to let go. She doesn't need me all the time. There are other kinds of needs out there but I try not to think about those needs for myself. I miss being needed in those kinds of ways but that requires the first piece - risk taking. 


The part I have become an expert during this new phase in my life is simplicity. There is nothing more fulfilling then  sitting in silence in my quiet spot looking out and reflecting on where I am in life. I don't need to be surrounded by busy work. I don't require bringing work home to stop living. I know that I am a stronger, more emotionally focused person because I am aware of the moments of my life's simple times. I have many moments of complications but I can and will keep going because I can put myself into timeout and just be me.


I feel deeply. I feel the love and loss that is my life. I also know I have the power to feel deeply again. I have the capacity to love again because it isn't something that you can stop. You can't put rules on when love happens. It is just really awesome and amazing when you open your heart and let it flow. It is okay to put yourself out there and risk the power of love. Hurt can be overcome you just have to take the time to recognize that life is worth living and trying to find happiness. I have a past that has formed who I am and who I will become but I won't let it keep me held captive. Life is waiting. Happiness is waiting. I'm waiting with open arms.