Not Filtering

This thing that is my so called life. I have oh so many choices to do - finish laundry, put the dishes into the dishwasher, dry the cat, work on work stuff, dry the cat. Well you know life without anyone in the house is very sad, lonely and quiet. I've been in this really crazy mood and I keep saying stuff that is a bit out there for me. It is so funny how I don't know who I am yet I know who I am. So I sit here playing games and watching teen girl shows on the DVR that Hannah has recorded. Oh well let's see what else could I do. I'm bored with myself!!!

How do I overcome this situation. I have three years to live life in these spurts of alone time. I do really well for a bit and then it hits me that this is going to be my life. Maybe that is why I get in these crazy, silly moods trying to stay happy! I like the euphoria of being happy. I don't do anything that is damaging but I can certainly see how people in my situation can easily become addicted to stuff or do really scary things trying to find where they belong again.

I've come so far but yet I know I still have so far to go. The thing is I also think I'm more developed then "normal" people. Today a friend laughingly said, "you are crazy but that's why we get along so well because I'm crazier!" Isn't crazy just a relative term. Just like normal. This is my new normal! I'm still not happy with my new normal but well I don't have any say in the matter so I'll stick to it! I will take my crazy moments of nuttiness. I'm just so glad I have friends who understand those moments of my silliness. Except there is always truth in whatever comes out of my mouth when I forget to turn on my filter!!!

I have so many hobbies and not any energy to work on any of them. Oh well maybe I will find that part of my life someday soon! Maybe it is a good thing I'm alone. Who knows what I really might say tonight! Scott knew exactly what I needed when I'm this way, it's just there is no one to really tell that truth to! Maybe my filter is on more then I realize.