Brand New Ending

Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.  ~Author Unknown


Oh so very true. I think I'm living this statement everyday. I can't change anything that happened but I can change how I'm traveling. My ending was changed without my doing but I don't have to let it just sit here and let life happen around me. I don't think it would get me anywhere to sit here and be ticked about the Tundra commercial on the TV. It was just part of the equation but the truck doesn't change my life. I see the truck all over town and now it just makes me smile about his joy in the truck. 


I've also embraced his football experiences. Maybe not to the extent he was addicted to his hobby but it is a fun way to keep his memory alive with the boys. When I watch the scores on the computer and the game on the TV it brings back all kinds of wonderful memories. I'm not lost in the memories though. It would be nice to have that perfect for me person who gets that my memories are where I was but I'm willing to live forward into a new ending. I don't let the crap that has happened hold me back from a future. I refuse to hold my life over someone who is out there for me. My crappy past doesn't mean I'm not willing to be out there for my life to continue. 


I often wonder why someone thinks past events should be held against others in their lives. A failed relationship, a marriage that wasn't the best, a death of a love, those things are part of life but I don't think I would ever compare another chance to what I've been through. I may be a bit gun shy but each of us are individuals and each new relationship we form is it's own story. My story with Scott is different then my story with Mike. It is certainly different then a college boyfriend. Each of them are individuals and whether the end was good or bad they were each different. I don't ever want to be the person that says, "I can only have it this way because I want you to be just like Scott!" There will never be another Scott for me but I am willing to make a brand new ending. 


My life, no matter how much I wanted it to at the time, didn't end in that pond. I know Scott surrounds me with his light and love but I'm not stuck in that pattern. I'm out here living forward. Each of us is an individual and to succeed we must respect the things that make us different. When I am where I am supposed to be in life to find my new path in a relationship I will accept the pieces that have put us in a new path to a different ending then I ever wanted. Loving Scott and being loved by Scott gave me the strength to be loved again someday. Today I'm good with knowing Scott has to be proud of me watching football and keeping his memory alive with his football league. It isn't a chore but a joy. I'm having a blast on the path that is my life for the moment. Living forward in each day makes me a stronger person.