I did an impossible task today! I can't tell you yet the details because it is a surprise for the most important person in my life. However, I just have to say I made a change in my life that has all kinds of implications for moving forward! Lots of memories attached to the things I'm changing. I can live forward, keep my memories without keeping all the stuff. I have more things to do but one room at a time is a good thing. This house is full of memories with all the years I've lived here. Now if I start to lose my memories then I'm done. I do know that I'm in such a different place.
I'm tired and worn out in a good way. I haven't laid around doing nothing but reading and laundry. I've been stuck in that boring place for a bit. Today a spur of the moment decision was made and I think I like living with some spontaneous behavior. So against my character but I'm having so much fun today with my adopted sister Angela and the girls, Kayla and Holly. I can't believe I'm finally doing something that Hannah was gifted by Scott and I on our last Christmas together. It isn't just a piece of it either I'm going all the way with everything!
Now it is off to bed to keep going again tomorrow. Wearing myself out physically makes it so much easier to sleep at night, stave off the panic attacks and keep the music in my heart happy. I love moving forward into my life, my heart and soul are alive and full of love. I know I am where I am supposed to be giving a gift from Scott and I that will let Hannah know how much we love her. Scott may be here in spirit and his love for us will always be with us. There will be more to this saga of my ongoing journey! Today I'm redecorating my surroundings someday there will be more! I can do this! I will do this! I am doing this!
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