Doors Held Open

I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, "Move from here to there" and it will move. Nothing will be impossible to you.
       - Matthew 17:20


I have that feeling that something good is about to happen. Not only did my fortune tell me so I can feel it. It is like that Scott voice I hear in my head sometimes has a lot to say lately. I keep telling you I know he is here. I had a great conversation about that subject on Monday. It made me feel like soaring to hear someone else say that to me. Someone with a loss but a different situation to feel the say way about the life beyond our mortal bodies. Scott and God are here guiding me, supporting me and showing me the way. I know where I'm headed. I feel the push. I hear the voice telling me you got it, my heart! The magic is there you just have to reach. The wonderful life you want is waiting for you just reach.


I feel like that little mustard seed. I look up at this mountain that has been a black cloud of grief and I know I can conquer. Me, this tiny little insignificant package in the scheme of life, is like the little mustard seed. If you have ever had a mustard seed the flavor is powerful and packs a punch. I pack that punch to take each day and make it my own. Tonight sitting at the Chinese Buffet with Hannah I saw a man who could have been Scott's twin. In the past I would have sat and cried. Tonight I watched and smiled to myself. I know it wasn't him. I know I would love for it to be but I also know I can't have that wish. Trust me I still wish it but it doesn't happen. I can conquer that grief mountain but I can't change the events of the past with a wiggle of my nose.


I am making a choice today to attempt to erase the line I keep towing in the sand. To try to make my life more where I want to be. I am ready to leap and I can't do that where I am. I know I am happy in myself and the door is open just across that line. It is like it is being held open just for me. You know that feeling when a true gentleman holds the door and lets you go first. It makes me feel special. I feel like Scott is there making sure that door is open for me. I have the choice to cross the threshold to reach for that something wonderful in my life. I get to keep chipping away at that black cloud. I get to share my smile, love, and laughter to bring happiness beyond me. I  have my life and I understand where I am. I know where I want to be and that has to come from my efforts. I won't just sitting around watching life happen around me! I will keep living forward!