Living, Loving, Laughing

"The memory will always be part of who you are but not all that you are." - Necessary Roughness (TV show I'm watching right now)

I like to hear that. It says so much to me. Today was long and I feel like it was supposed to be Friday. I'm having trouble with my get up and go today. I'm working on it and I kept going until I got home and collapsed. I can't lose faith in my life. I know what I want and it will happen. I have the mental image of where I'm supposed to be. That's half the battle, knowing what you want in life. Visualizing where you want to be. I see the picture. I saw the picture with Scott. We made it there. We got each other. I know where I want to be again. It doesn't seem possible but it is. Scott is part of who I am but not all of me. I am my own person and I have a life to keep living.

I gave myself permission to grieve. You all let me grieve. I still get to have my moments of grief but my life isn't about my loss. I have a future that I'm waiting for with open arms. I'm not sure sometimes where I'm supposed to be but I still have my eye on my dreams and goals. I'm living, loving and laughing. I never thought I would be good doing those things again. I still cry everyday at some point. I haven't mastered the tears, I still battle the sleep issues and usually work myself into collapse but I'm further then I thought possible. I will make it further tomorrow too. I can't shield myself into a bubble. I have to keep facing life, love and laughter. I will keep making it because I have to keep growing. I can't image some days not stepping out of the house but I do it. I keep going into each day of my life trying to keep true to myself and my wishes. The timing will happen. The timing will be right! I will keep living, loving and laughing!