Fire and Rain

Just yesterday morning they let me know you were gone 
Susanne the plans they made put an end to you 
I walked out this morning and I wrote down this song 
I just can't remember who to send it to 

I've seen fire and I've seen rain 
I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end 
I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend 
But I always thought that I'd see you again 

Won't you look down upon me, Jesus 
You've got to help me make a stand 
You've just got to see me through another day 
My body's aching and my time is at hand 
And I won't make it any other way 

Oh, I've seen fire and I've seen rain 
I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end 
I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend 
But I always thought that I'd see you again 

Been walking my mind to an easy time my back turned towards the sun 
Lord knows when the cold wind blows it'll turn your head around 
Well, there's hours of time on the telephone line to talk about things 
to come 
Sweet dreams and flying machines in pieces on the ground 

Oh, I've seen fire and I've seen rain 
I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end 
I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend 
But I always thought that I'd see you, baby, one more time again, now 

Thought I'd see you one more time again 
There's just a few things coming my way this time around, now 
Thought I'd see you, thought I'd see you fire and rain, now 


- James Taylor "Fire and Rain"




You see here I am with this song stuck in my head today. I woke up with it there and it took me time in quiet meditation and reflection to 1- figure out what I've been humming to myself all day and 2- understand why. I continue to be amazed yet feel blessed to receive these messages. This one I understand and I'm trying very hard to not sit here and sob. Now if someone can explain "Are you gonna kiss me or not" I might feel a bit better. That one keeps coming back at the strangest times. Maybe it isn't time for me to get that one  


There is so much unknown in this world but I keep learning so much each day. I have talked about on several occasions about how my memory is so spotty of the days and even weeks after Scott's disappearance. Today some of that changed. I stand in the shower each morning in prayer and meditation to the start of my day when suddenly an image came to me. I feel like I was watching it all happen. I was standing there. I could see myself standing there  not through my own eyes but as if I was being watched from a position I know was not held by any human form. It was the moment when they told me yes it was Scott's truck and "I'm sorry ma'am but we know it was him from your description and he had is driver's license with him. We won't have to ask you to identify him." I don't remember any of that but here is this influx of images and words from somewhere other then me. The rest of the day has been spent with the James Taylor song floating in my head.  How can I not know I am loved and protected? 


In my heart it feels like Scott is here for me always. I know I have my own Angel beside me for the rest of my life but he doesn't hold me back. He pushes me forward. He pushes me to keep living and finding my self. Finding my path in this journey. Maybe we were never supposed to have a long life together on Earth but I am so very grateful for each day we were given together. I know that the lessons I have learned through this journey have made me a stronger more loving individual. I feel blessed in each day I am given to continue my journey. I don't know when my expiration date will be reached but when it does happen I know I will have given my all to life and love with kindness and compassion. I know somewhere I will matter to another but I feel in each day my journey is complete. When it is my time I don't want to have regrets of things that I should have done or could have done differently. I am happy in my life today and I will continue to be happy in each day I am given. I'm not ready to go but I know I am surrounded by light and love to infinity and beyond!