I Don't Wanna's

Can I just say that I'm wearing myself out and I need to stop! It's not like I'm doing anything more then usual but for some reason my world has gone crazy. I think I just have vacation countdown syndrome! My stress over being the organized anal packer that I am is going nuts with not even having started packing yet! Would you like to know that our vacation in a bit over three weeks. It is messing with everything else because I can't concentrate. I feel like everything needs to be straight and organized and ready to go. It is probably a good thing that my child is with her dad because she'd be rolling her eyes at me!

I was talking today with a friend about working and it just gets worse when then kids aren't around. Why do I do it? Just to have something to do? To fill the hours that are quiet? I don't know but I think I have learned that work doesn't have the emotional fulfillment that I need. Yes I do get the joy of seeing our patients progress. That is a huge reward but at the end of the day is anyone going to remember that I have finished all the stack of crap that I brought with me tonight to complete. NOPE! and well H-E-double hockey sticks NO! So it is okay if for the next so many days before we go that I have a case of the "I don't wannas!" I will try to stay focused but all I really want to do is look at pictures of Alaska and dream about all of the possibilities! I can't wait to just be in a place that holds the promise of past dreams and new adventures.

I wish so many things and I know that my heart knows the truth. I know where I am supposed to be. The universe is in motion. God has a plan for me. I can't let my own craziness get in the way. However, I must make sure I've got it all. I'm not sure I will be able to find a Wal-mart in Denali National Park. Now how many bags will they let me take on the plane? Yes I really will have to do laundry on a cruise ship because jeans just don't get that small in the suitcase. There are more people I wish I could take with us but I hope you know you are there in my heart. So tonight I morn the loss once again of my love as I try to keep living forward and focus on the positive in my life. I know what is right for me! I know I will make it in each day but just this month has so many things to regret. Next week is Scott's birthday then what is our first wedding anniversary! In my heart it will always be our day. We may not have been together physically but in my heart and soul that is our day. I can't stop the tears but they help me live forward each day.