Skinny Dipping

What's real and what's not? I ask myself that question all the time. I don't think I'm the only one who does this but I can be disturbing after a while so I move on from those thoughts. Have you ever said a word over and over again? After awhile the word starts sounding funny and then you wonder if you are saying it correctly. Just how the brain works. I just finished watching the movie Inception. Very strange but thought provoking. There are times when I'm asleep that I wake up to things that unfold in front of me. And then the other times that you just know are out their in left field but funny when you think about them.

I wish I knew how our minds truly work. We have so much power that has yet to be harnessed yet we sometimes don't even try. I know after the last 14 months of dealing with a tragic death there are places in my find that I know of all of the possibilities. When I awake from a dream that my subconscious has worked through a problem and I know the answers to the questions that I have been struggling. I may have personal goals that I don't write down but there are answers to questions I didn't realize I have. There are so many things that need to be accomplished in my mind. So many places I want to be. So many people I still need in my life.

In my heart I know I have made so much progress but yet my head still works in overdrive at times. Today was just a busy day with things happening that I wish I didn't have to do. I want to make everything right for everyone but I also know that people have to also be strong for themselves and take ownership of things that I can't fix. After a day like today my head was throbbing. I was in overload and at 3pm I was mentally shutting down and then my body was there right along with my brain. I needed to recharge myself into something more then what I was becoming this afternoon. I pulled into the driveway, opened the gate and the radio worked it's magic once again. I'm not sure if it was a good magic for me but maybe it was just what I needed. The song "If Heaven Were Closer" I think is the name but I can't recall the artist right this second started playing. I opened the gate and pulled around to the garage. I feel like I was in slow motion doing all of these things. I pushed to button and watched the garage door open as the song was playing and the tears just started rolling. I have tears everyday but this was those sobbing deep in the soul moment of tears. The song ended as I sat there wishing.

I miss coming home to someone to talk about my day and then doing crazy things to make the world right again. I can only image that we would have just gone skinny dipping! Something so out of character for me generally but Scott was always right there doing wild and funny things to make me smile! Then the phone rings. It was one I was expecting but the timing is amazing to me! There is a reason but the universe isn't letting me know the answer. I was immediately smiling after a short conversation and the world was right side up once again. I wish it was time for the answer but I know that I continue to have to have patience.

I went and laid down to rest and the dreams began. I have the answers to the questions but it's not time. I know the possibilities will happen. I will be where I'm supposed to be as I am continued to be surround by light and love. The next three weeks won't be easy. I will make it this year just as I did last year. I'm a different person, a stronger person. It is okay to look back as I look forward into the magic and wonder that is the dream of life. My past has made me who I am. I don't want to be any different. I want those goals to happen and for Heaven's sake I just don't think skinny dipping alone would be any fun! I need to share craziness and laughter along with the rough days. Today I made it as I live forward into my tomorrow - six years ago I met the man who changed my life forever for the good and the bad. Do you think it's possible again? My dreams tell me it is so that's good enough for me!