Mixology of Life

It is in the shelter of each other that the people live.
       - Irish proverb


Yesterday we were at Band Registration with Hannah when we laughing about how many people it takes to raise one child. Hannah has the best support system of the entire world. She is surrounded by the shelter of people that help her live. I miss those days of my childhood where I was surrounded by that kind of shelter. I always knew the importance of my family shelter. They gave me who I have become in life. I know they continue to shelter me in my life and I keep living.


I want to keep living most of the time. It is hard to have breaks where I have to deal with my self alone. I try not to be melancholy I try to keep pushing forward. I know I have done that so far but then there are moments when I suddenly feel like this is it. I'm trying not to get into a rut. I want to live forward. I want to keep moving and growing but I feel like I'm missing something. I feel like I'm not seeing something around me. I still have the shelter of my friends and family to keep me living. Something is missing that makes me feel whole. 


I know I would never make a very good hermit though. I have to be around people even when I think I would be better off hiding. I need to find the right mix of elements of my life. Hmm I wonder if there is a Bartender's guide to mixing the life force to rocket me upwards and onwards. I know what you all say to me. I'm where I'm supposed to be at this moment in time. But it would be nice to have a moment of where I don't feel like myself. I know the world works the same way with others and I'm not alone. I'm coping but bored. I am bored when I'm alone today. Fidgety, restless, pacing. That is not my normal self so I'm in a strange spot in my journey living forward.