1-800-Flowers!

"On this day, God wants you to know
... that well done is always better than well said. Actions are deeper than words, and intentions deeper than actions. Keep on focusing on the deepest level of your being, that's the one that God is listening to..."

Yes once again there are things in this life it is better to just move on and not be obsessed about. It is time to finish the last of Scott's estate stuff. You really can't get out of taxes even if you die. You just don't have to be the one to do them. Did you know that? I didn't but somehow I think I should have looked into a second career as an estate attorney. I know all kinds of seemingly useless Texas Estate Law now. It seems ironic that the taxes were the last thing I had done for Scott the night before he died. I'm sitting here right where we sat as I sent the email to the IRS and his little smile on his face telling me that money was for our honeymoon. Little did he know it would be paying for his funeral.

So today I borrowed a friend's "Message from God" from her facebook page. It is funny because we always talked about intentions and actions. We love each other. I not forgetting that ever. A friend who didn't know Scott but has been a shoulder on a few occasions in this process said to me yesterday that you two had a short but intense relationship. We did. I don't think I want to repeat that. I want to know that I can be with another person for a long time without that being ripped from us. There are no guarantee's though but I know I'm not going to say no to the possibility that love is still out there. I'm not going to be the lonely old cat woman. I love my kitties but I think I will outlive them. I'm not ready to go to that thought though so let's push aside my poor blind baby leaving me anytime soon.

It was really funny because last night when I came home my XM radio wasn't working until I pulled into the garage and suddenly the only station I had was the LOVE station. I rarely listen to that channel anymore because it always makes me cry. It was funny because this morning once again the only channel I got was LOVE! I just started laughing because Richard Marx was on. The song was him. Music is so powerful. I just wish I was better at remembering artists and song titles. I'm not sure why I needed those messages today but I just accepted them.

I'm so ready to try something new. I'm tired of sitting on the couch. I'm tired of being my own company. Hannah is here but really date night was always a blast and I don't think she wants to hold my hand across the table and make plans. I really know she doesn't even want to sit next to me in the movies. So for now I will take my "date nights" with my girlfriends. I have the bestest friends in the world. A little gossip and lots of laughs is always fun. So should I send myself flowers after a great weekend alone? I'm making myself laugh but I think I'm only smiling at my jokes to make myself feel better. I actually do feel better but days are still hard.